White House urges quick passage of Obamashare to end income inequality

by N. Ure Dreemz

Jan. 7, 2014, WASHINGTON, DC — President Obama today introduced a sweeping income equalizing bill, which his staff has nicknamed Obamashare, and urged Congress to pass it within 30 days.

"This landmark bill will solve America's No. 1 economic problem — income equality," the president said. "President Bush and the Republicans and their failed policy of promoting capitalism led to this disaster, and this legislation will fix it."

Formally labeled the Legal Income Equalization System (LIES), Obamashare prohibits American citizens from pocketing what the president calls "more than their fair share" of income.

The bill consists of more than 2,200 pages and is expected to grow to more than 25,000 pages of regulations after passage.

Obama said members of Congress will be able to read the bill once it has passed but guaranteed that federal employees, including senators and congressmen, will be exempt.

"As I told Joe the Plumber [Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher] back in 2008, I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody," the president said. "So it would be unfair for federal employees to benefit from Obamashare. Only people who are not employees of the federal government will have the opportunity to contribute their fair share toward wealth redistribution."

LIES permits the president and his wealth redistribution czar, Len N. Marks, to issue waivers to any group or person who in their discretion should be exempt from the law. Waivers already have been issued to labor union officers, members of the Democrat National Committee, MoveOn.org, Oprah Winfrey, Solyndra and more than 1,200 other companies and individuals. The law does not apply to undocumented workers who can prove they are in the country illegally but prohibits American citizens from destroying their passports, birth certificates, Social Security certificates or drivers licenses to gain undocumented status.

"If you like your job, you can keep your job," Obama said. "If you like your boss, you can keep your boss. But I don't want to be accused of lying again, so let me add this qualification — as long as you and your employer accept Obamashare income limits."

White House Technology Director Meg A. Bights said citizens must sign up on the new LIES website, Obamashare.com, which is being created by a Canadian software company.

"If you make less than average income, you will receive a subsidy, and if you make more than average income, you will be billed for the difference," Bights said. "The IRS will collect all amounts owed."

The National Organization of Mayors announced its support of Obamashare, which is seen as easing the burden that cities are under to enforce business licensing and zoning.

"I really hate it when we have to shut down lemonade stands and kids who sell mistletoe," Portland (Oregon) Mayor Dick Tayter said. "Under LIES this problem will be solved because it removes the incentive to earn unfair extra income. Besides, once Obamashare goes into effect, everybody will have enough money without working."

Rolling Stone writer Jesse A. Myerson predicted millenials will support Obamashare as long as they believe they will receive income generated by others.

"I'm pretty sure we won't have to exterminate the rich and take their money and property if Obamashare passes," he said.

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