Inspired by Obama, GOP to support amnesty for illegals

by Al A. Gorist
Skinnyreporter.com

EL PASO, Texas, May 12, 2011 — Republican leaders today said President Obama's unifying speech yesterday has inspired them to support amnesty for illegal aliens.

"The president has helped us see the error of our ways," Sen. Bridges A. Gapp (R-Ariz.) said. "We had not realized how much he has done to improve border security, so now we are ready to give amnesty to 20 million undocumented foreign immigrants who are working every day to make our country better."

Gapp said a coalition of conservative and liberal lawmakers will support a "pathway to citizenship" for illegal aliens but also will vote to implement one of the president's creative solutions — a transplant of 300,000 alligators from Everglades National Park to the Rio Grande River National Moat.

White House Assistant Press Secretary Al Eyer said he was proud of the speech, which he wrote for the president.

"President Obama's call for civility in public discourse is already paying dividends," Eyer said. "We knew if we treated our political opponents with respect, refraining from mocking and sarcasm, the logical result would be unity and bipartisan cooperation."

Obama pointed out that the U.S. Border Patrol (USBP) has 20,000 agents — "more than twice as many as there were in 2004." That is at least 272 more agents than President Bush had on the job in 2008.

USBP Director Al Zymers said he now has enough agents to release any undocumented immigrants who are illegally detained by law enforcement officials in Arizona, Utah, Texas and another state that he could not recall. He said his agency has been allocated adequate funds to deport illegal aliens who are accused or convicted of murder, rape or other violent crimes, thereby saving the border states millions in prison funds.

In his speech Obama said a border fence between the U.S. and Mexico is "basically complete" and implied that any requests for a higher fence would be rejected because the current design is highly effective.

Skinnyreporter sent two fence engineers, Barry Cade and Chay N. Leenck, to examine the fence. They learned that the Obama Administration had added 4.3 miles of double-layer border fence to the 32 miles completed under President Bush.

"Obama indeed has basically completed the amount of fence that he intends to build," Cade reported. "Already 5 percent of the 700-mile security fence approved by Congress has been finished. That means about 2 percent of the 1,900 mile border is protected by high-tech security fence."

Leenck said the balance of the border is impervious to immigrants who are unwilling to climb over or crawl under a three-foot cattle fence.

"A fence that can restrain a 2,000-pound Hereford bull certainly should be adequate to keep out 150-pound humans," he said.

House Minority Whip Moore Awn (D-S.C.) said Obama is using the political capital that he gained by killing Osama Bin Laden to accomplish his domestic agenda.

"We have consistently fought local and state laws that are ineffective in solving the immigration problem," he said. "Just ask any attorney general of any Western state."

Skinnyreporter called Arizona Attorney General Thomas C. Horne, who verified that illegal immigration in the Yuma sector has declined 96 percent since 2005.

"President Bush put substantial resources into the Yuma sector," he said. "Apprehensions went down from 134,000 in 2005 to 7,200 last year.

"President Obama has applied his more effective approach on the Tucson sector, where only 400,000 people have crossed the border since his inauguration party."

Border Patrol Public Relations Director Greene Carter said Obama's policies have led to a 97 percent reduction from the number of undocumented aliens who would have crossed if his plan had not been implemented.

"President Obama's immigration policies account for the majority of jobs saved or created under his administration," Carter said.

Undocumented immigrants are so ecstatic over GOP plans to back an amnesty plan that some say they might vote Republican in 2012.

"Now that I can get out of hot water and become a citizen, I'm going to vote for people who will help our economy," said Maurice "Mo" T. Quila, formerly of Agua Calientes in southern Mexico.

Juan A. Viza, an importer of South American plant products, said he is preparing for a comprehensive bill that would require illegal immigrants to prove they have been breaking the law for at least five years.

"I came here from Colombia last year," he said. "So I have bought old rental receipts and food receipts to prove I've been breaking the law the minimum amount of time. They are a lot cheaper than the other documents I already got, like Social Security card, visa and drivers license."

Ally Gayter, a South African herpetologist who overstayed her welcome on a student visa after graduation from the University of Texas at El Paso, said she is worried an amnesty law would apply only to Hispanics.

"The Democrats supported the DREAM Act because they need more Hispanic votes," she said. "If they find out that most white South Africans like me would vote Republican so that we can keep more of our money, I'm afraid I might have to swim into Mexico to avoid deportation to Africa."

Budd R. Flye and Sy D. Strochs, both 30-something lawyers who swam into the U.S. from British Columbia at age 17, said they intend to challenge any age restrictions in comprehensive immigration reform.

"The DREAM Act stipulates that a student must enter the country illegally before age 16, stay at least five years but be under 30 years of age to be granted legal status," Flye said. "Since discrimination based on age is illegal in the United States, I'm confident that any age restrictions in a new bill would be ruled unconstitutional."

The Mexican government has been urging prospective immigrants to move to the U.S. immediately.

"It is anticipated that comprehensive migration reform will take a minimum of five years to pass," stated an editorial in Mexico's Reforma newspaper. "Citizens who plan to work or go to school in the United States should move there immediately to establish minimum illegal residency."


Link of the Day

Quote of the Day

"If the President is serious about a comprehensive solution to immigration, he will stop his Administration’s attack on Arizona and its sheriffs through the courts and work with us, not against us." — Arizona Sheriffs Larry Dever of Cochise County and Paul Babeu of Pinal County

Home page
Article Archive
Synapses Synopsis Archive
You might be a liberal if ...
You might be a conservative if ...
Facebook page
Position on bigotry
Glossary (under construction)

Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

Articles are copyrighted. You may email or use articles if they are attributed to Skinnyreporter.com. Websites may publish as many as 20 Skinnyreporter articles, but you must have written permission to publish any of them in a printed book or magazine.

Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

Please support:

Spurlin Heating and Air
Farmington, Utah

Call 801-709-9280 to purchase an advertisement here ($200 per column inch per month).