Sen. Rick Santorum says Republicans won't vote for Mitt Romney because he can't identify with common folks. "I made less than $3.7 million in the last four years," Santorum said, "so I'm just a regular guy who has trouble paying my bills just like everybody else. I had to give up my wife's second Cadillac, but Mitt's wife still has hers."

The Obama administration has demonstrated its prowess in creating "green energy" jobs: Federal taxpayers have paid less than $534,000 for each permanent job at the Abound solar cell company — so far.

Mitt Romney clarifies his "hair on fire" comment, saying he wouldn't set his hair on fire for any reason, let alone a political one.

President Obama says his apology over the accidental burning of desecrated Korans "calmed down" protesters, who later killed four Americans. "My apology saved millions of lives," Obama said. "Just as my economic policies have saved millions of jobs. If I hadn't apologized, Islamic terrorists across the world would have tried to kill every American they could. Now they will be satisfied with just a few thousand."

"Voters complain too much about my complaints," Rick Santorum complains.

Secret Amnesty Bill Includes Free Tuition, Tax Credits

by Thad S. Inkret-Ibel

WASHINGTON, D.C., March 1, 2012 — "We can't win re-election without amnesty for illegal aliens," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid told colleagues as they plotted in secret to write a bill designed to bring 10 to 30 million new Democrat voters to the polls in November.

That was just one statement captured by a tape recorder concealed in a mole's briefcase as top-level Democrats met Sunday to discuss a strategy to prevent a disastrous mid-term election. The suggested solution? Give instant citizenship to all illegal aliens, making them eligible to vote for their benefactors.

The bill not only includes amnesty for foreigners who have sneaked unlawfully into the country, including gang members and those who previously have been deported, but it als o forgives any back taxes while making undocumented immigrants immediately eligible for tax credits, free health insurance, free medical care and free college tuition. It even pays for their immigration attorneys and includes more than $2 trillion to pay for their retirement benefits.

These are the same provisions that were featured in a bill that the Democrats tried to rush through Congress during President George W. Bush's term. But now it appears likely to pass, said Washington observer Holt R. Wallitz, with President Barack Obama ready to sign the bill and Democratic congressmen and Ssenators running scared after polls show historically low approval ratings among traditional voters.

"Look, we got health insurance through without one Republican vote," Reid is heard saying on the secret recording. "But it's backfiring on us as people realize they have to pay taxes on their benefits and their insurance rates are going up. The polls show that we've got the black vote and most of the union vote, but pretty well everybody else is jumping ship. The only way we're going to win is to bring in new voters, and this bill will do it."

This video shows the old bill after which the new bill is patterned.

An unidentified voice on the recording urges panel members to include a provision that illegal aliens must be granted citizenship within 24 hours of application, even if a background check is not completed.

"Nobody can do background checks on Mexicans within 24 hours," somebody said.

"I know. That's the point. You can't do a background check of somebody in Mexico, period, so let's just give them 24 hours, and we'll have a whole bunch of new voters who will be Democrats for life."

"But what about the criminals?"

"They come here anyway. We might as well give them amnesty, and we'll get at least one vote out of them before they're arrested and lose the right to vote."

"We're working on that," a third voice said. "We tried giving voting rights back to felons when Bush was here, but he wouldn't go for it because he knew most felons would vote Democrat. But Barack will go for it. Come to think of it, we ought to hide it in this bill."

"Right on," a fourth voice responds.

A voice that could be no other than that of former President Bill Clinton then offered a devil's advocate point of view.

"If the public gets wind of this, you might not even get this bill through committee. It's paramount that everybody here keep completely quiet about it when you leave this room."

"You got it, Prez," said a person who sounded like Vice-President Joe Biden.

Nancy Pelosi piped in with her assessment of how she could get the bill through Congress.

"If you Senators can push this through, I can get it through Congress easy," she said. "We got 2,300 pages of the health insurance bill through without anybody even reading it. I even told them to vote so that they could read it, and some of those guys fell for it. Same thing this time. I'll tell them it's a good bill that will save the party, and they'll vote for it sight unseen."

"What happens if the economy really tanks, and there aren't enough jobs for our citizens?" Clinton asked.

"Who would you rather have jobs?," Reid said. "Rich white Republicans or these new Latino Democrats? Our guys will work for peanuts because we'll be covering most of their expenses anyway. Even I might work for next to nothing if I had free insurance, health care, retirement, food, housing, and tuition for my kids. There will always be enough jobs for our new citizens."

"I'm still worried about this getting out," Clinton said.

"Even if it does, nobody would believe it," Reid said. "We'll just say it's a conspiracy theory put out there by some racist wacko. The media will buy that."

"All I know," Clinton said, "is that we can't lose our base in the party right now. So we've got to keep this quiet."

And with that the tape goes silent. The person who supplied the tape to Skinnyreporter is a Democrat who said his party has left him. "What the Democrats used to believe in has long been abandoned," he said.

Quote of the Day

""The tolerant liberals suddenly become very intolerant when their official religion is challenged." — Ann Coulter.

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

Articles are copyrighted. You may email or use articles if they are attributed to Websites may publish as many as 20 Skinnyreporter articles, but you must have written permission to publish any of them in a printed book or magazine.

Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

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