Today's Synapses

Liberals are saying they don't trust Obama to follow through on left-wing promises. Yet almost everybody else fears he will do so.

Presidents Ronald Reagan and George Walker Bush approved tax hikes when liberals promised subsequent spending cuts that never happened. Will a businessman who has not been a lifelong politician, Mitt Romney, be similarly fooled?

In a Democracy, voters can elect Communists and Socialists who would destroy the Bill of Rights.

Why would President Obama allow state secrets to be revealed to a person who has been referred to as "a known leaker"?

Obama's immunity for young illegal aliens stimulates fake document business

by A. Cy Limb

June 15, 2012, WASHINGTON, D.C. — Small businesses that specialize in creating counterfeit documents have been inundated wtih new customers in the hours after President Obama's announcement that certain illegal immigrants will not be prosecuted. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Terry Bull said immigrants are desperate for proof that they have been in the country illegally for five consecutive years.

"If somebody has been here only four years and 364 days, they're out of luck," Bull said. "The president's new policy is that you have had to be here for five consecutive years illegally. If you went home for Christmas every three or four years or if you had a work permit, you're out of luck and will be immediately deported."

He said ICE will be similarly tough on immigrants who came to this country on or after their 16th birthday or who are one day older than 30.

"We welcome younger immigrants as long as they can prove they were here illegally for five consecutive years," Bull said. "But if you don't meet President Obama's well-conceived guidelines, we don't want you. It's as simple as that."

Document creation specialist Shirley Looks Wriell of Cards R Us said she has temporarily shut down operation of her green card printer because she has received hundreds of orders for fake doctor bills and other documents that immigrants can use to prove they were in the country illegally before the age of 16.

"We've been making bills, prescriptions and all sorts of things that nobody will ever guess were made long after the dates written on them," she said. "ICE doesn't have the personnel to verify that all these people were here illegally. We think the government will accept almost any paper that indicates illegal status."

Mike Wolfe, a star of the cable TV show "American Pickers," said he has received hundreds of emailed orders for receipts, bills, prescriptions, school transcripts and other documents that easily could be modified to suit the needs of hopeful illegal aliens.

"I went to 12 garage sales today alone," he said. "I was trying to find old papers that might work for people that don't want to be deported. I found a whole box of funeral announcements that were printed in ink that is easily washed off. A good documents specialist can replace any of the pall bearers' names with the name of an immigrant client, and they're off the hook for that year."

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom said immigrants who don't meet the new guidelines will still be welcome in his city.

"I'm proud to announce that San Francisco will provide free housing, free food, free education and free transportation to persons who can prove they are in the country in violation of federal law," he said, "and we don't care if they're too old or haven't been here for five straight years."

Gavin warned legal U.S. residents who might consider impersonating illegal immigrants to get assistance.

"We've already seen U.S. citizens pretending to speak broken English and dying their hair black," he said. "If you want help from San Francisco, you must prove that you are here illegally. Otherwise, we'll put you in jail for fraud."

San Francisco City Councilman Raven Luna Tick said she is sponsoring a rule change that would make it a felony to masquerade as an undocumented immigrant.

"We must ensure that food, money, shelter and jobs that are meant for undocumented foreigners go to the people who deserve them," she said.

President Obama's reelection campaign chairman, Lyon Dailey, said he welcomes the president's decision not to enforce current law because it will ensure that most illegal aliens vote for Democrats.

"The latest Rasmussen poll has Mitt Romney was ahead by five points among likely voters," Dailey said, "and so we obviously needed to make a move that would add to the rolls of likely voters. This move, along with Attorney General Eric Holder's lawsuits to stop Arizona and other states from implementing voter identification laws, should get enough new Democrats to the polls that President Obama will have another four years."

Obama blamed Republicans for forcing him to create the new policy.

"If the GOP had enough intelligence to see clearly," he said, "they would have voted for comprehensive immigration reform. Somehow Republican senators and congressmen think they're entitled to make laws and then they expect me to enforce them. Well, I'm not going to enforce any laws that I don't agree with, and I've made that very clear."

Young voters turned out in force today to praise the president for the new policy.

"I wasn't going to vote this year," illegal immigrant Mari Huanna said. "But now President Obama has me for life. Thank you, Mr. President."

Huanna said she just had her 29th birthday, and even though it might not have been her first 29th birthday, it will be her most memorable.

Obama has directed ICE to issue work permits to all illegal immigrants who qualify under his immunity policy, which was welcome news to construction worker Juan A. Dinero.

"Builders have been discriminating against me," he said. "It didn't used to be so bad, but lately they've been giving preference to American citizens. Now I'll get preference because I'm a minority."

Home page
Article Archive
Synapses Synopsis Archive
You might be a liberal if ...
You might be a conservative if ...
Facebook page
Position on bigotry
Glossary (under construction)

Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

Articles are copyrighted. You may email or use articles if they are attributed to Websites may publish as many as 20 Skinnyreporter articles, but you must have written permission to publish any of them in a printed book or magazine.

Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

Please support:

Spurlin Heating and Air
Farmington, Utah

Call 801-709-9280 to purchase an advertisement here ($200 per column inch per month).