Today's Synapses

Conservative economist Xavier Cash: Will Obama's evolving thoughts lead to a realization that tax-and-spend liberalism is bankrupting us?

Obama on why he decided to come out of the closet on his support for gay marriage: "Why won't the mass media practice 'Don't ask, don't tell?' They just kept asking and asking and asking, and so I had to tell."

If evolution leads to acceptance of same sex marriage, are conservatives considered a lower life form?

Obama: "I support same-sex marriage in case my love for Chris Matthews evolves."

Blogger Jerry Riggs: "Who woulda thunk? A black man and a Mormon will be running against each other for president, and the black man would be the guy whose grandfather was a polygamist and whose dad was a bigamist."

Julia, 10, wanted to make some spending money running a lemonade stand, but the government wanted $100 for a sales tax license, $150 for a food handling permit, $200 for a business license, $45 for a roadside restaurateur permit, a $1 million liability insurance policy, a $20,000 bond, a wall to post Equal Opportunity and OSHA notices, a $12,000 environmental impact study, a $1,500 engineer's report on the ability of her sign to stand up to a 100 mph wind, a $200 deposit with the state's occupational hazard insurance fund, a $350 advance on unemployment insurance, and a balance statement to ensure that she will be able to pay herself minimum wage.

Limerick of the Day

Oil

When oil on shore began to stick,
Barack looked hard for butt to kick.
The name of his game
Is who can he blame.
Like oil he is as crude as slick.
— Craig LaRocco

Olbermann, Couric named to news media Obama cheerleading team

by Sandy Botham
for Skinnyreporter.com

May 9, 2012, New York, NY — News anchors Keith Olbermann and Katie Couric have won the last two spots on the 2012 Mass News Media Barack Obama Cheerleading Team, Coach Joe Klein announced today.

This is the second time that Olbermann, chief news officer of Current TV, and Couric, former news anchor for NBC News, have been honored together. In January they were inducted simultaneously into the Objective Journalism Hall of Fame. Olbermann had just retired from NBC News, where he had won praise for consistently praising Democrats during his 13-year career as a reporter and anchor for the cable network station MSNBC.

2012 Mass News Media Barack Obama Cheerleading Team
Click on photo to see larger image.

"I was really surprised to make the team, especially after I had donated only $7,200 last year to Democrat candidates," he said. "Plus I had thought five males would be all that Coach Klein would put on the 11-person team, but I forgot that Rachel Maddow isn't a man."

Unfortunately, the team doesn't have enough male uniforms, so Olbermann will be wearing Judy Woodward's old uniform. He will not be required to perform the aerial acrobats usually associated with a female uniform, however, and will join the other male members in doing the heavy lifting as well as such basic liberal gymnastic tricks as verbal cartwheels, position splits and leaning forward.

Klein, who makes his living writing pro-Obama articles for Newsweek Magazine, said Couric is just as qualified as the other team members to lead cheers for the president while booing his opponents. He said Couric clearly deserves her nickname, The Perky Pitcher, because she has done a tremendous job of lobbing softballs at Democrats while throwing hard fastballs at Republicans.

"The highlight of her career was asking former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin what newspapers she read," Klein said. "Nobody cared about Palin's answer, but voters knew from the question that they should not take seriously a resident of a frontier state that still gets its news by telegraph."

The team is financed by a coalition of boosters, including the for-profit abortionists' group Dilation and Curretage Experts (DICE), the nation's leading trial lawyers organization, Lawyers Organized for Odious Trials (LOOT), the National Union of Dancers Exotic (NUDE), the National Association for the Advancement of Nitwit Progressives (NAACP), the global warming alarmist group, Scientists Concerned About Reduced Endothermodyamics (SCARE) and the chief group that has been promoting same-sex marriage, Gays and Lesbians for Endearing Expression (GLEE).

Klein said each member has demonstrated a commitment to liberal principles and is dedicated to pointing out the flaws of conservatism. Most have experience working for Democrat candidates, officials or organizations, but all have earned a reputation for ensuring that Obama is portrayed as a great leader.

George Stephanopoulos, NBC News anchor, worked as a senior adviser to President Bill Clinton before landing a job as a journalist. He has led cheers for Obama's effective use of propaganda.

Chuck Todd, political director for NBC News, worked for a Democrat Sen. Tom Harkin of Iowa. He specializes in downplaying negative economic news and touting Obama's efforts to raise taxes on the rich.

Chris Matthews, a news anchor for MSNBC, ran for Congress as a Democrat before working for President Jimmy Carter and former Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill, the Democrat congressman from Massachusetts Matthews is an emotional cheerleader who gets so involved in promoting Obama that he can't help but feel tingles down his leg upon hearing him speak. He has compared the president to Jesus.

Donna Brazile, a CNN contributor who used to be the chair of the Democrat National Committee, has a cheerleading routine that praises Obama's efforts to preserve voting rights of undocumented immigrants.

Matt Lauer, host of the Today Show, has earned plaudits for helping the public realize that Obama has been working hard to eliminate the threat of global warming and create hundreds of green jobs.

Rachel Maddow has been been an effective cheerleader on her own MSNB show, Klein said, but she really shines when she is a guest on a network that has more than a few thousand viewers. He noted that Maddow not only has she cheered Obama every time she has been on the national stage but she also has done exemplary work in booing the other team, attacking the Tea Party, Republicans and independent conservatives.

Andrea Mitchell of NBC has been a closet Democrat for years, but Klein said she is on the team because she always has supported President Obama and his policies. "I know I can depend on her to get behind Obama whenever he needs a lift," he said.

Christiane Amanpour of CNN and NBC News has worked tirelessly to defend Obama and other Democrats, Klein said. She has been particularly supportive of the president's efforts to raise taxes on the rich so that he can create jobs by loaning money to eco-friendly companies.

Eleanor Clift of Newsweek Magazine was voted captain of the cheerleading team for her ability to perform "commentary tumbling tricks that require a high level of oral skill," Klein said. Her most recent routine involves a difficult flip-flop maneuver that permits her to laud Obama before and after each position change. He said she performs regularly on The MacLaughlin Report, where she has gained a reputation for being the president's most effective cheerleader.

Home page
Article Archive
Synapses Synopsis Archive
You might be a liberal if ...
You might be a conservative if ...
Facebook page
Position on bigotry
Glossary (under construction)

Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

Articles are copyrighted. You may email or use articles if they are attributed to Skinnyreporter.com. Websites may publish as many as 20 Skinnyreporter articles, but you must have written permission to publish any of them in a printed book or magazine.

Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

Please support:

Spurlin Heating and Air
Farmington, Utah

Call 801-709-9280 to purchase an advertisement here ($200 per column inch per month).