Links of the Day
Donald Trump says massive inflation coming: "Buy everything you can now because it will cost more next week."
CNN claims that gas prices aren't as bad as people think: "Filling your tank is cheaper than Sandra Fluke's monthly birth control."
Obama used to think shutting down an oil pipeline would increase the price of gas. "I know better now," he said. "The longer I've been away from Harvard, the smarter I've become."
Obama says inexperience will not be an issue in this year's general election. "I am catching up to Sarah Palin in executive experience," he said.
Rick Santorum says he won't end all pornography: "I just want to ban nudity, vulgarity, obscenity, short skirts and swimming suits."
President Obama's psychoanalyst, Romania-born Dr. Skitt Sophrinia, said the president's memory lapses over his past policy stands are due to his inability to remember to take his memory pills.
Rick Santorum says he is "overjoyed" about coming in second in the Illinois primary election. "This proves people believe my message, which is not to believe Governor Romney's message."
U.S. Constitution, like any rule, is meant to be broken, Obama saysby Dusty Sandman
"I'm proud of the reforms that I have devised to break the bonds of constitutional slavery," the president said.
"The citizens, non-citizens and deceased citizens who put me in office were confident that I could change America despite the gridlock in Congress and the stifling restrictions of an old document penned by hand more than 200 years ago, and they knew I could figure out ways to do that."
Obama said he has employed a variety of methods to ignore, override or circumvent the Constitution. He said one of his most effective innovations was to appoint rulemaking authorities who have been labeled in the media as czars. He said the advantage of appointing a czar or a czarina is that the confirmation does not need the approval of the Senate.
"That means my people answer to me and not to Congress," the president said. "They don't need to divulge anything I tell them, and this allows them to implement policies that I like, even if Congress might not."
Obama said he was equally proud that he became the first president to make so-called recess appointments when the Senate technically had not gone into recess.
"Bush couldn't do it because my good friend, Senate President Harry Reid, wouldn't let him. And because Harry is still in charge of the Senate, I could do it."
Obama said he was grateful to a federal judge whom he had appointed for throwing out a legal challenge to his non-recess appointments.
"She owed me one," he said.
The president said he also has exercised his power by telling department heads and other bureaucrats that they'll be fired if they don't follow his orders, regardless of what Congress might think.
"When Congress can't agree on anything, I think it's my right to make up their minds for them," he said. "I don't like the law that requires Immigration and Customs Enforcement to deport undocumented immigrants, and Congress couldn't agree to change the law. So I just told ICE not to deport people who I think ought to be allowed to stay and ordered my people to give these people a way to get citizenship."
Obama said he also was successful in ignoring an entire bill, the Defense of Marriage Act, because he told one of his appointees to stop enforcing the bill.
"As you all know Attorney General Eric Holder is a good friend of mine," he said, "and we usually see things the same way. In one fell swoop he and I teamed up to change the way things have been done for more than two centuries.
The president said he also is smart enough to avoid controversy by making his most radical moves on Sundays.
"People don't watch what's going on in Washington on Sundays," he said. "Usually the Senate is closed, the House is closed, most of the public are watching sports, especially the right-wingers, and the reporters and pundits are taking the day off."
He pointed to his recent executive order that establishes peacetime marshal law as an example.
"My enemies are here in America," Obama said. "If they had their way, they would undo all the good I've done, and I need a way to prevent that.
"I'm telling you, folks, my enemies would repeal my health insurance mandate, bomb the Taliban, stop me from borrowing money from China, stop me from spending that money on solar cells and electric cars, build the Keystone pipeline and drill for oil on federal land. They might even let people buy health insurance without free birth control."
The president said his decision to grant himself authority to declare marshal law in peacetime could allow him finally to impose comprehensive gun control.
"Certainly it could not be argued that the government needs guns in case of war," he said, "and so I think it would be perfectly properly for the military to take control of all arms that could be used to kill people just in case we need them."
The president said he has established that Congress won't prevent him from going to war where and when he sees fit, regardless of past practices. He said there is no logical reason to abide by an "outdated law" that requires the commander-in-chief to receive permission from Congress before going to war.
"When I decided the Muslim Brotherhood in Libya needed my help last spring," he said, "I made a careful calculation that allowed me to employ our military resources to help them get rid of a dictator who had prevented them from implementing sharia law.
"Now it looks as though they need our help to get rid of a Christian dictator in Syria. And if I think they need my help to finish the job, nobody on earth will prevent me from living up to my responsibilities."
Obama said he employed his superior intellect to conclude that he would not need congressional approval to declare war if he didn't use the words "declare" or "war."
"If our troops aren't actually on the ground," he said, "then I believe I can use jet fighters, bombers and drones on my own.
The president admitted that despite his reforms, he might be unable to prevent voters from deposing him in November. But he promised to exercise his power until the last possible minute.
"I actually can't wait until I can do what our last two Democrat presidents did during their last weeks in office," he said. "I'm gonna outdo President Carter and President Clinton when they used the executive orders to make national parks and monuments out of millions of acres of federal land. They put trillions of gallons of oil and trillions of tons of coal out of reach of the dirty corporations who make a profit by selling our resources. I will create the new Barack Hussein Obama Great West National Park, which will include all federal land that contains coal and oil deposits so that we can finally put an end to global warming, lower the sea levels, as I promised to do during my first campaign, and save the drowning polar bears."
Obama said he will seek various ways to prevent losing office.
"My attorney general said he won't prosecute anybody who prevents white folks from going to the polls," he said, "and so don't be surprised if the Black Panthers post guards with guns at the polls. They're not about to stand idly by and let the first black president lose after just one term."