Gibson shut down to create jobs

'Tea Party is America's enemy'

Feds expand graphic warnings

Troops to fight Tea Party terrorists

Cuts are actually increases

Obama ready to compromise?

Crybaby Boehner tattles

TSA starts internal exams

Obama wants tax hike to cut spending

Whistleblowers threatened

Economy surprises experts again

Russians want Obama reelected

Obama job plan bans ATMs

Palin emails

GM CEO wants $5 gas tax

When reality collides with satire

Judge bans mention of God

Weiner's multiple personalities

Demos celebrate food stamp record

Ecstasy over high gas prices

Unintended misogynistic slur

Obama: Reincarnated Reagan?

Huntsman: 'Romney a large varmint'

Obama to return Texas to Mexico

Rich folks told to share wealth

Obama's civility inspires

Volts sell like moldy hotcakes

Drone killed art students, birds

'We thought it was aspirin factory'

Hillary allergic to sight of blood

Critics decry murder of Osama

Few qualified to replace Osama

Crybaby Boehner tattles on Obama

by Rhea Reitter

July 12, 2011, Washington, D.C.— With tears rolling down both cheeks, House Speaker John Boehner today said President Obama has been mean to him.

"The President has been teasing me and making fun of me," the Republican from Ohio, famous for shedding tears in public, told reporters after budget talks broke down. "He tells everybody else he is serious about helping my party cut federal spending, but when I meet with him, he says I'm a fool if I think that he would ever do that."

Boehner choked up as he described how Obama demanded that Republicans raise taxes and borrow more money and then stormed out of negotiations on Wednesday, warning Republicans, "Don't call my bluff."

"I guess that means the President really is willing to shut down the government if we don't give him what he wants," Boehner said. "And what he wants is to take more money from people who have it and give it to people who don't."

Another Republican on the committee that has been negotiating over the federal budget, Rep. Wes Turner of Montana, said he mistakenly had thought Obama was willing to pare down the size of the federal government to improve the economy.

"As a rancher, I always thought you had to earn enough money to pay your debts," he said. "But the President told us the best way to get out of debt is to borrow more and spend more."

Republican Senator Mitch McConnell said Republicans must compromise, or President Obama will stop sending seniors their Social Security checks and then blame the GOP.

"I'm an old guard Republican," McConnell said. "It's all right to talk about reducing spending, but if you can't get the Democrats to agree, then you have to increase spending and borrow more money to do it.

"We could probably make the budget work if we got rid of Obamacare, but I think we need to believe the president that he will stop sending Social Security checks to seniors if we don't give him enough money for his pet projects. And with the media on his side we'll get the blame."

The lead Democrat negotiator in budget talks, Sen. Rob N. Hudd of Wisconsin, said Republicans who won't raise the debt limit without cutting the federal budget are extremists who can't face reality.

"If your wife spends twice as much as you earn," Hudd said, "the solution is simple. You refinance your house and give her what she wants. You don't tell her to spend less. That would lead to a quick divorce, and that's the last thing this country needs."

Donald Trump, the New York real estate tycoon who continues to threaten to run for the presidency if the Republican party selects a nominee whom he doesn't like, said GOP leaders who compromise with Obama will be making "an enormous mistake."

"The Republicans are terrible negotiators," he said. "They're getting ready to do another el foldo.

"Raising the debt limit is the last thing we need to be doing right now, We should be cutting out government waste, federal programs that we don't need, and lowering taxes to spur the economy and increase federal revenues.

"If the Republicans give in, they can kiss their chances of winning the 2012 election goodbye. The people don't want a bunch of cowards in Congress."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi of California said she will tell Democrats in Congress to vote down any spending cuts in Social Security and federal medical insurance programs.

"The Republicans must compromise," she said. "The Democrats don't have to compromise. We're not going to budge an inch."

Pelosi said she agrees with Obama that wealthy citizens should pay more in taxes, even if that results in more unemployment.

"Capitalists shouldn't be able to keep the money they make and hire the people they want," she said. "That money should go to the government because we know best where that money should go."

Assistant Treasury Secretary Winnie Jorr Cache said Obama sees the budget crisis as an ideal time to raise taxes on the rich.

"We need to spend more money to improve the economy," she said. "The first two stimulus packages didn't work. Unemployment actually went up. That means we should spend even more money now."

Perceptive Quote of the Day

"Only two things are infinite ̵ the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." — Albert Einstein

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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