Pelosi: 'The Dead Don't Mind the Death Tax'
by Myra Maynes
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif., Oct. 18, 2010 — Campaigning before a crowd of unemployed citizens today at a soup kitchen in her district, House Leader Nancy Pelosi today promised to bring back the so-called death tax to ensure that her low-income constituents "get a larger piece of the pie."
"Two things are certain," she said, "death and taxes. And so a death tax makes perfect sense. Dead people don't care what happens to their money, so the only fair way to redistribute it is to let we the people have it."
Thunderous applause echoed down the halls of the abandoned office building that now serves as the Independent San Franscisco National Liaison And Zionist Youth Corps (ISFNLAZYC).
"When I first ran for Congress," she said, "the federal government got more than half of large estates when wealthy people died. That was fair because the family did not deserve it. They did not do anything to get that money. It was the dead person who scrimped and saved and invested and ended up getting rich. And in the spirit of fairness, it was essential that the government get that money.
"On big estates, the federal government got 53 percent of the inheritance and that still left plenty for state and local governments to tax.
"Because of the greedy Republicans, who want to keep their money instead of letting the government manage it, the death tax was completely done away with in 2010. I'm proud to say that other Democrats and I have passed a bill that reinstates the death tax in 2011 and beyond.
"And I pledge here and now that even if my party loses control of Congress in November, I will do everything in my power to ensure that the death tax returns in 2011.
"The last thing we want to see if the Republicans take control is for rich families to stay rich."
N.V. Nabors, who had a good job as a welder at a travel trailer factory before the current recession reduced the number of wealthy citizens who could afford a new trailer, asked Ms. Pelosi how the death tax could benefit him and his family.
"The new estate tax will take 55 percent from wealthy dead people," Pelosi said. "I promise to increase that to 75 percent. But if it stays at 55 percent, the United States government will get so much additional tax revenue that we could reduce Social Security taxes from 7.65 percent to 7.64 percent."
"Is that a lot?" Nabors asked.
"What that means," Pelosi replied, "is that if you get a job again, you'll get an extra dime for each $1,000 you earn.
"Will that happen?" Nabors asked.
"Not likely," Pelosi replied. "We have a lot better ways of spending that tax income, such as investing in green technology to reduce our energy needs. My dream is that someday you'll be able to go the beach and see an endless line of wind generators and wave generators stretched as far as the eye can see. That's when we'll know we've done everything possible to save our environment."
Octogenerian homeless voter Jerry Atrick, who lost his last job in 1974 when he discovered cocaine, asked why Pelosi was referring to the estate tax as the death tax.
"Death tax has been a pejorative," she said, "and just as gays have taken away the power of the word queer to hurt them so have Democrats decided to use the term death tax.
"After all, the death tax doesn't apply until after you're dead. None of the people who actually have paid the tax have been alive, and so I don't think it hurts to call it the death tax. I'm opposed to calling it the inheritance tax because if I had my way the government would get the entire estate, and there would be no inheritance to inherit."
One of the homeless citizens who listened to Pelosi was Snyder E. Mark, formerly of Green Bay, Wisconsin.
"When my parents died, my two brothers and I thought we could keep our dairy farm," Mark said. "But then we had to sell most of our equipment, all of our cows and a good chunk of our land to pay the death tax. We tried to make a go of it with government loans, and the dairy buyback program, but the death tax set us back so far that eventually we lost everything. Now both my brothers and I are homeless. So why should I support the death tax?"
"There's no use crying over spilled milk," Pelosi said.
"There wasn't no milk to spill," Mark said.
"Seriously," Pelosi said, "now that you're homeless you surely would like to see others suffer the way you have suffered. It wouldn't be fair for other families to keep their dairy farms when you lost yours."
"I see your point," Mark replied, getting to his feet to give the Speaker of the House a standing ovation.
NO LACK OF TAX
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
Tax his bills, tax his gas,
If he hollers, tax him more,
Put these words upon his tomb,
Quote of the Day
"You can talk about 'social justice' all you want. But what death taxes boil down to is letting politicians take money from widows and orphans to pay for goodies that they will hand out to others in order to buy votes to get re-elected. That is not social justice or any other kind of justice." — Thomas Sowell