TSA bans groping

Gore on ethanol: 'My bad'

Demos seek immigration reform

Obama officials justify India trip

Demo attack ads pay off'

Democrats assign blame for big loss

Democrat pollsters predict victory

''Progress' in redistribution wealth

Minorities to get extra votes

Demos' secret meeting

Pelosi vows 75% death tax

Tuesday vote stuns media

Broadcasters revamp walkout policy

Gore Admits Ethanol No Cure for Warming

by Y.U. Reading II

Athens, GREECE, Nov. 23, 2010 — Former Vice-President Al Gore admitted Saturday that his pushing for ethanol subsidies was a "huge mistake" that did nothing to solve global warming.

Speaking in Athens, Greece, he said he is still "pretty sure" that global warming is a potential threat and is "quite convinced" that imposing massive taxes on fuel and electricity could cure the problem.

"My judgment over ethanol was clouded by my presidential ambitions," Gore said. "Iowa farmers realized they could make billions if they stopped growing food and started producing ethanol. My main priority was to win Iowa as well as the other midwestern states, and so I supported ethanol subsidies to get their vote.

"I failed to calculate that federal ethanol subsidies would cause food prices to skyrocket. I really didn't think that using 40 percent of our corn to make ethanol would hurt anybody. Now I realize that millions of people are having a hard time paying for higher and higher food prices. I am sorry that the price of cereal, tortillas, corn syrup and vegetable oil have gone through the roof.

"But it's not my fault that subsidies just keep going up. I blame the farmers' lobbyists, who got $7.7 billion in ethanol subsidies just last year. I've been out of office for six years, so don't blame me.

"We have known for five years now that it takes more energy to make a gallon of ethanol than it produces. We should have stopped making ethanol years ago."

Gore, who won the Nobel Peace prize for sensationalizing and exaggerating global warming claims in his scaremongering film, "An Inconvenient Truth," said he remains committed to ending the threat of global warming.

"Some of my calculations might have been a little off," he said, "but I'm still afraid that the sea will cover New York City if we don't stop using gasoline powered lawnmowers and grilling steaks over charcoal briquettes."

Gore said he is sorry he relied on the so-called "hockey stick graph" that Penn State climate scientist Michael "Girlie" Mann created to scare people into believing in global warming.

Ed Barnes of Fox News described Mann as "one of the central figures in the recent climate-data scandal" and called his graph "the key visual aid in explaining how the world is warming at an alarming rate."

"E-mails stolen from a university in England were released online," Barnes wrote, "revealing exchanges between climatologists and a reference to a 'trick' that Mann had used to get the graph to portray what global warming scientists wanted to see."

Since then Mann has satirized on a YouTube parody video called "Hide the Decline." His feelings hurt, Mann threatened to sue the makers of the video, who removed it from YouTube because they couldn't afford a lawsuit regardless of its lack of merits. Since then, other individuals have reposted the video, which can usually be found on YouTube with a search using the key words, "Hide the Decline." Click here for a link that worked today.

Another group that seeks to debunk global warming has created "Hide the Decline II," shown below.

Gore said that even though polar bears have multiplied fourfold since 1940 to the current population level of 20,000, arctic bruins are in danger of extinction in case scientists who believe in a worst-case scenario turn out to be right.

"Polar bears ambush seals when they come up for air through the ice," Gore said. "If we don't start driving electric cars, there won't be any ice, and the seals will be able to breath anywhere, and the polar bears will starve or drown. I know this sounds outlandish, but my compatriots in the Scientific Community of Ascending Rate Experts (SCARE) assure me that this is the case."

Gore made news last month when he revealed that recent studies indicate global warming has increased solar activity.

"For years we were under the misconception that sun spots and sun flares caused warmer temperatures on earth," he said. "Recently we have recalculated our measurements and have discovered that sun spots are actually caused by global warming.

"Now that we know our actions here on earth can have a negative impact 93 million miles away, it's high time we act. I am proposing that we immediately outlaw bottled water and the consumption of methane-producing beans."

Methane, the chief component of flatulence, is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in global warming, said Gore's chief speech writer, Ben Downe, who earned a BS in atmospheric pollution at Yale University's college of Biological Sciences (BS).

Gore's efforts to limit the harmful effects of digesting legumes has found merit among the scientists who comprise the lobbying group, Opposition to Destruction, Decay, Burning And Littoral Littering Society (ODDBALLS).

ODDBALLS recently paid $84,200 to well-known artist Lindsey D. Oyal to create a new international stick figure warning sign that can be employed to encourage minimizing personal methane releases into the atmosphere.

"Eating one fewer bean and cheese burrito during the year will do more to reduce global warming than driving a car to work," Downe said.

Quote of the Day

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed — and hence clamorous to be led to safety — by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." — H.L. Mencken

Link of the Day

Limerick of the Day

by Craig LaRocco

You said you were hungry for kine
A feast upon which you would dine
But as truth is told
And desires unfold
I know it's the pork you pine

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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