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Weather extremes not unprecedented?

Gore Blames Global Cooling on Carbon

by Sherwood Forrest
Skinnyreporter.com

NOME, Alaska — Former Vice-President Al Gore said today that man's use of fossil fuels is causing catastrophic global cooling.

Considered the guru of the man-caused global warming theory, he said new studies indicate that the same greenhouse gases that warmed the earth for two periods from 1979 to the present day also caused the earth to cool during two other periods during that same time frame.

"Scientists who are studying the Arctic ice cap are alarmed at how much sea ice has expanded since 1989," Gore said. "In the past 21 years, as carbon dioxide levels have increased due to human causes, the ice cap as measured during the month of May has expanded at an alarming rate. By 2025 the ice cap will be larger than at any time in recorded history, lowering the sea level by at least 20 feet, causing dozens of animals to go extinct, including polar bears, creating massive crop failures and bankrupting America as we try to heat our homes during the severe winters of the coming Ice Age."

Click for a bigger image.
Gore said it is the consensus of governmentally funded scientists everywhere that fossil fuels are to blame.

"Whenever we burn natural gas, petroleum or coal, carbon dioxide levels rise, causing the lower atmosphere to warm but the upper atmosphere to cool," he said.

"Now that the data is in, we can see that in just the past six years the Arctic ice cap has expanded by about 500,000 square kilometers. That's roughly the size of Indiana, Maine, South Carolina, West Virginia, Maryland, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Connecticut and Delaware combined.

"If the earth continues to cool at that rate, we'll all be living in igloos within 20 years."

President Barack Obama, speaking before the Pasadena Global Warming Group, said the important point to remember is not that the earth is warming or cooling but that mankind must stop burning fossil fuels.

"Selfish Americans, fueled by greed, have used more than their fair share of fossil fuels in the past 100 years," he said. "We have warmed or cooled the earth, jeopardizing all life on the planet, simply for our own safety, comfort and convenience.

"As we enter a post-American global world, it is vital for China, India and other countries to use fossil fuels to progress. But that will not be enough. We must simultaneously prevent Americans from continuing to profit from the ability to employ inexpensive energy sources while people in Africa must walk long distances and people in India are forced to burn cow chips to heat their humble homes.

"The best way to redistribute energy and money throughout the world is the cap-and-trade bill that I am urging Congress to pass. The bill will cause energy prices to skyrocket in America, making petroleum products, coal and natural gas more available to the rest of the world."

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said she will not rest until a larger percentage of Americans burn cow chips, grass clippings and dead branches to heat their homes.

"It's not fair for Americans to live in comfort while the poorest people in the world live without air conditioning and central heating," she said. "Cap-and-trade is the only way that I can see to raise energy prices so high that people's behavior will change. Our goal? To force people to stop driving automobiles, prevent tractor-trailers from moving goods about the country, keep people from heating their homes, and stopping people from wasting energy to cool their homes and businesses. This is clearly the only viable solution.

Virtually every scientist who is paid by the government agrees with this assessment."

Harry Reid, the president of the Senate, said cap-and-trade is difficult to understand, especially for the average voter, who has been educated by an inferior public school system.

"Those of us who control Congress have the natural intellect, logical reasoning skills, judgment, wisdom and experience to decide what is best for Americans," he said.

"I doubt that any of my constituents outside college professors could understand how cap-and-trade works, but I will attempt to explain it in laymen's terms on a small scale.

"Let's say your town has 10 families that live in it, and the mayor wants to reduce the amount of electricity and gasoline that they use. He simply imposes an exorbitant tax on the families that use too much power and car fuel, and then he gives some of that money as a reward to families who use less power and gasoline. If the taxes are high enough and the incentives are low enough, then the town will use less electricity and gasoline.

"Now, nobody's saying that this would measurably reduce catastrophic global cooling or warming, but if people can't afford to drive or heat their homes, then they definitely won't use as much energy. And the government can decide how much is too much. It's a simple solution actually and one that would work as long as Democrats are in charge and not Republicans, who want to poison the water and the air and destroy the earth."

The director of the Global Moderation Community (GMC), B. Lowes Ihrow, said cap-and-trade would reduce greenhouse gases and, hence, the likelihood of weather extremes.

"The dinosaurs went extinct because of global warming," he said, "and the woolly mammoth went extinct because of global cooling. Now that we are quite confident that we can control the climate by regulating the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, we can prevent extinctions of homo sapiens and other species."

Anita Parka, an Aleut native of Alaska, said her tribe has determined that global cooling is a big problem from September through March, while global warming is a challenge from March through August.

"We can deal with the warming," she said, "because it's easier to get around, harvest fish, hunt and gather berries. But we have got to do something about the cooling. Some of our tribe have gone off to the University of Alaska and have become educated. They tell us that the chief cause of global cooling is the angle of the sun, which is affected by magnetism. We are, therefore, banning all magnets in our community, including those found in loudspeakers, earphones and on refrigerators. We are hopeful this is a good step in the right direction."

Sue Moore Friesz of the National Snow and Ice Data Center said more Americans die from exposure to cold temperatures than from rattlesnake and alligator bites combined.

"If we don't reduce the miles we drive in personal automobiles," he warned, "it is very likely that the roads will freeze over permanently or melt in the extreme heat that continuing global warming will bring."

Erin Burr, the first female mayor of Death Valley, California, said she would welcome global cooling if it meant that her community could enjoy moderate temperatures.

"But increased heat would fry us right up," she said. "Therefore, we support cap and trade. We would much rather pay $10 a gallon for gasoline than end up looking like marshmallows that were held too close to the fire."

Former Utah governor Jon Huntsman Jr., who currently serves as an ambassador to China for Obama, said that his state has long been known for its sunny, warm weather but that visitors in the winter would be shocked at some of the low temperatures recorded.

"We've had 69 degrees below zero in Logan Canyon," he said. "If global cooling gets any worse, then even snowmobile fuel will freeze, and some of the state could become inhospitable to human life."

Former Olympic cross country ski champion, frenchman X. Poe Jour said it temperatures are allowed to get too low, even cross country skiing will be impossible as no waxes have been found that impart proper friction to skis when temperatures are at zero kelvin.

"Nothing moves," he said. "Absolutely nothing."

He said the World Atmospheric Cold and Kelvin Opposition Society (WACKOS) supports cap-and-trade even if it costs $2,000 for the energy to manufacture a pair of cross country skis.

Seymore Mercury of the Sierra Club said the Deepwater Horizon oil leak shows the importance of moving beyond oil.

"We have not found any acceptable alternative energy sources to power automobiles," he said, "Some people like electric cars, but all significant sources of electricity involve abuse of our environment, such as coal generators, wind generators, nuclear power plants, hydroelectric plants and natural gas power plants.

"Therefore, we propose the elimination of all personal automobiles and all diesel-powered semitrailer/tractor rigs. People should live where they can ride trains or buses, or they should walk."


Quote of the Day

"Scientists who dissent from the (ecological) alarmism have seen their funds disappear, their work derided, and themselves labeled as industry stooges. Consequently, lies about climate change gain credence even when they fly in the face of the science." — Richard Lindzen, the professor of Atmospheric Science at Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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