Hillary blames her allergies for facial expressions

by L. Ed Jabbel

ROME, Italy, May 6, 2011 — Former unelected Vice-President Hillary Clinton today said she was simply stifling an allergic cough when she covered her mouth while watching a video feed of the Navy Seals raid on Osama Bin Laden's compound.

Some commentators had criticized her expressions in photographs released Tuesday by the White House, saying Clinton might not have the mental toughness required of Commander-In-Chief, a position she sought in 2008 and is expected to seek again in 2016.

"Those photographs were taken during the most intense 38 minutes of my life," she told Skinnyreporter as the Secretary of State prepared to sit for a meal at Italy's famous Sal Minela Spaghetti Restaurant.

"The tenseness caused my allergies to flare up. Don't think for a minute that I had any empathy toward Bin Laden or any of the other terrorists. They got what they deserved. My facial expressions and hand movements were due entirely to my allergies. I will have nothing more to say on the matter."

Clinton's 2008 campaign manager and former Washington Post reporter, Dee Lou Dudd, had a great deal to say.

"President Obama released those photographs for one reason and one reason only, and that is to improve his chances for reelection," he said. "They showed him in a good light, and they showed his number one Democratic challenger, Mrs. Clinton, in a bad light. He knew the pictures would raise his approval numbers, which they have, while at the same time making people question a woman as having a suitable disposition for president."

Republican pollster May L. Shovenest, appearing on "Meet the Press" yesterday, confirmed that Obama's approval rating climbed 9 percent, while Clinton's dropped 12 percent.

"People want a president who is willing to kill the enemy, even if he is unarmed," Shovenest said, "These photos convinced them that President Obama is willing to do that while Mrs. Clinton might not have the stomach for it. Some people actually have the misconception that she prefers capturing terrorists and trying them in U.S. courts to killing them."

Facing criticism that Obama had personally supervised the killing of unarmed Arabs, the president's public relations specialist, Falls E. Fyer, today issued a statement that the actual attack was blacked out on the video feed to the White House. He also addressed Clinton's expression.

"Hillary might have seemed shocked and empathetic toward Bin Laden and his protectors," he said. "But either she was shocked that the video feed was blacked out or she actually was suffering from allergies."

Clinton's personal physician, Dr. Moore Paine, confirmed today that she is allergic to several common irritants, including "the sight of blood, the sounds of shooting, claustrophobia, video blackouts and being confused with women who have feminine emotions."

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Quote of the Day

"The notion that Obama 'saw the terror chief shot in the left eye' live on video is a total fabrication. At best, the photos were cynically misrepresented by the White House and the mainstream media, at worst, they were completely staged to add a contrived dramatic spin to the unfolding wall-to-wall press coverage of the Bin Laden fable, which is becoming more convoluted with each passing day." — Paul Joseph Watson

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