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Scientists who were hoping that a switch from fossil to alternative fuels would stop global warming are alarmed, says global warming alarmist Haight Meriweather. "Our tests are showing that carbon dioxide is produced when we burned pond algae and chicken manure," he said.

May K. Enzmete, director of Obama's Redistribution and Equalization Department (RED) said the federal government's takeover of private business has not helped the economy or helped to redistribute wealth. "We obviously need to triple or quadruple our efforts," she said. "We need to increase our ownership of the auto, banking and health care industries to 100 percent. And we need to add the oil industry, too."

Limerick of the Day

A man on a belfry, he fell
And promptly found himself in hell
The devil did say
'Can't place you today
But your face, I declare, rings a bell

Obama czar deems 'illegal alien' and 'migrant farm worker' racial slurs

by Greene Goe

May 1, 2012, Washington, DC — The Obama administration has decided to fine, jail or assign to reeducation camps violators who persist in using hateful racial slurs such as "illegal alien" to describe workers who lack proper immigration papers.

Phil A. Carr, President Obama's czar of political correctness and a former provider of migrant transportation services, ruled today that beginning Aug. 1 citizens may no longer write or utter the following terms when referring to persons who illegally enter the country or persons who reside in the U.S. without legally required documents:

  • illegal alien
  • illegal immigrant
  • illegal migrant
  • illegal worker
  • illegal
  • wetback
  • migrant farm worker
  • Mexican fruit picker
  • Rio Grande swimmer
  • undocumented immigrant
  • desert runner
  • taco

Governmental workers who use such terms will be terminated, fined $1,000 per slur and jailed for 90 days. Judges may show leniency on first-time violators by suspending the sentence and placing them in reeducation camps for a minimum of 30 days. Other American citizens who violate Carr's order may keep their jobs if they are self-employed but are subject to the other penalties.

Activists who have been fighting for the rights of immigrants said the ruling was long overdue. Mary Otchey, director of the International Naming Association of Non-approved Expressions (INANE), said she views the ruling as tantamount to the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which was opposed primarily by Democrats. She said her group was hosting a week-long celebration in Las Vegas, complete with costuming and a mariachi band paid by taxpayers.

Some high-profile conservatives object to Carr's ruling. Talk show host Bill O'Reilly, who had argued for the right to call alien workers who enter the country illegally "illegal aliens," said he is considering an act of civil disobedience to defy the ruling but fears that the Federal Communications Commission could bar him from broadcasting if he continues to use "the i word."

"I don't mind going to a reeducation camp," he said, "but I think the First Amendment should allow me to use the words I want to express my opinion."

FCC Chief Censor Mai Grant said no commentator will be allowed to use public air waves to disparage minorities. She said broadcast companies and networks will be fined if they refuse to fire violators.

"Just as CBS would have been fined $1 million if they had not fired Don Imus over using the term, 'nappy-headed,' so will any network that refuses to fire broadcasters who use the i-word," she said. Organizer Laye Embrane said his group has long opposed terminology that dehumanizes humans who have violated laws or regulations. He said he is incensed that conservatives have persisted in using the term "illegal" to profile immigrants. Embrane vowed to continue fighting to outlaw terms that dehumanize other criminals as well.

"This is just a first step in rehumanizing people who have not always been in compliance with our criminal code," he said. "For example, a person should never be called a 'killer' because that term fails to draw attention to his or her positive human characteristics. We should not call citizens who have been trying to provide for their family 'bank robbers' or 'burglars' because those terms also dehumanize them and focus on only a moment of indiscretion. I find it incredible that there are still people in 2012 who are so insensitive to others that they would label a fine man such as John Edwards, formerly the Democrat nominee for vice-president, as an 'adulterer,' 'liar,' 'baby daddy' or 'hypocrite.' Yes, he might used some poor judgment, but Jesus warned us about casting the first stone. No self-respecting major media member would consider calling President Clinton a 'cheater' or a 'perjurer,' because they know they would be out of a job. We find that only conservative talk show hosts, such as those on the dehumanizing Fox News and the hateful Excellence in Broadcasting consistently dehumanize such individuals by using racist and hateful terminology."

Anita Job, communications director of the Federation Over Outside Labor (FOOL), said she opposes racist and other pejorative terms for workers who have violated immigrant law.

"The use of these racial slurs make it hard for me in my work to open the borders between all countries, not just between other nations and the U.S.," she said. "Mexico puts undocumented immigrants in jail, and Iran and North Korea execute them. They call immigrants without legal documents such nasty terms as 'satanists,' 'infidels' and a lot of other dehumanizing labels. So we have a long ways to go internationally although we're making a lot of progress here. The New York Times and most other mainstream media have agreed not to use the i-word."

Justin Towne, who recently immigrated to Fargo, North Dakota, from Canada without first procuring a visa, said he considers "illegal alien" a racist term even though he is Caucasian.

"I don't mind 'wetback,'" he said, "because I didn't swim the Rio Grande to get here. But I did do something illegal, and I'm not from here, so I don't want to be reminded about it every time I hear a racial slur that puts me in the same box with brown-skinned people who came here illegally from south of the border."

Some legal immigrants are opposed to decriminalizing illegal immigration and say there is nothing wrong with calling illegal immigrants "illegal immigrants."

Juan A. Mot, who was an Acapulco cliff diver before he won a lottery to receive legal documentation to enter the U.S. in 1972, said he has family members who have been trying to follow him legally for the past 40 years.

"I was mad when the first amnesty for illegal aliens was passed in the early '80s," he said, "because the 'wetbacks' got priority over my cousins, who have been trying to do things the right way. I think we should continue to call illegals illegals while we build a fence and install a moat complete with alligators."

Attorney General Eric Holder, who has been filing lawsuits to protect the civil rights of undocumented immigrants, including the right to vote without showing identification papers, said he supports Carr's ruling and will employ the enforcement powers of the United States to implement it.

"I am proud to have consistently protected the rights of Democrats and future Democrats," he said. "All minorities should have the right to vote, to receive welfare, to be educated by our public school system, to receive free federal medical care and to keep non-minority voters from minority polling places."

Ely Gallad, director of politically correct editing at Media Matters, said progressives have long declined to call illegal aliens "illegal aliens" because although they might be aliens and might be illegal, they deserve a more humanizing label.

"Whenever we have reason to discuss people who have cut in line to come here without filing the proper paperwork," he said, "we make sure we call attention to their humanity by using such terms as, 'hard-working family man' or 'upstanding laborers who are willing to take jobs that Americans won't do.'"

MSNBC host Ed Schultz, who was a conservative until he learned that he would have to use some of his money for his senile mother's medical care, said today that he welcomes Carr's ruling.

"Liberals such as myself and my coworker Chris Matthews won't be affected by this ruling at all," he said, "because we are already sensitive to the feelings of others. It's the right-wing talk sluts like Laura Ingraham and the Republican Nazis and the grand wizard conservatives who are the problem. I, for one, hope they keep calling immigrants without papers 'illegals' because I can't wait to see them off the air."

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

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