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Mitt won't say it, but I will

Today's Synapses

"Mitt is the weakest front runner we've ever had," Newt Gingrich said after Romney padded his lead Tuesday. "Don't waste your vote on him because he's going to lose his big lead when people figure out he's too nice to call Obama names."

New York Times Advertising Manager Juan Sydud today defended the newspaper's decision to reject an ad opposing Islam while accepting an ad opposing Catholicism: "We are against everything that Catholics stand for. And we're pretty sure Catholics aren't going to bomb our office."

MSNBC analyst and pro-abortion Democrat Karen Finney can't believe women have been voting for Rick Santorum. "This woman vote really hurts me," she said during election coverage Tuesday. "I can't believe there are women who don't want the government to make Catholics buy birth control. It just goes to prove that there are a lot of toothless hillbillies who would rather have a good economy than an abortion."

Former Olympic bronze medalist Ray Surr today compared the current Republican primary contest to a mile race: "Right now Mitt is about halfway to the finish line with Santorum and Gingrich trailing by a quarter mile, but he's definitely beatable because there's a chance that a judge could declare him ineligible."

Ray Surr

Energy Secretary Steven Chu said Tuesday that he no longer believes gas prices should rise to $8 a gallon. "I used to believe that," he told Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT). "But now that President Obama is running for reelection, I believe the price must go down, or I'll soon be out of a job."

Steven Chu

Justice Department sues states to protect undocumented immigrants' right to vote

by Belinda Aza Batt

March 15, 2012, Washington, DC — Attorney General Eric Holder today announced that he will sue any state that attempts to keep undocumented immigrants from voting.

"More than 30 states have unconstitutional laws that require voters to show photo identification," he said. "Republican legislatures have passed photo ID laws under the guise of preventing voter fraud, but we all know the real reason. They are trying to prevent undocumented Hispanic voters from reelecting President Obama."

The Justice Department already has rejected South Carolina's photo ID law, and now has sued Texas over a similar law that requires voters to show photo identification.

Holder said studies have shown that Hispanics are at least twice as likely to lack photo identification as white voters, and yet they are more than four times as likely to vote for President Obama over any Republican candidate. He said other minorities, particularly those who do not speak English, also are more likely to be unable to produce photo ID. Low-income persons also are disenfranchised, he said, because they can't afford photo ID.

"Everybody who works or receives welfare deserves a chance to vote," said Deputy Attorney General Miles Walker, "and that is especially true of people who are so motivated by the desire to vote that they walk miles across forbidding desert terrain to reach voting booths. Often they have no money and no jobs and can't afford proper photo ID."

Texas Attorney General Haight Phaedz and South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley told Skinnyreporter that the state pays for the photo ID if a citizen can't afford it.

"My goal is to prevent non-citizens from voting," Phaedz said. "But my state is happy to make sure that genuine citizens have the right to vote."

Phaedz, a part-time songwriter, wrote "Illegal Illegals," which reached No. 14 on the country charts before the Federal Communications Commission ruled that it was illegal hate speech and threated to pull the broadcast licenses of any radio station who dared to play the tune.

Recent immigrant Ramona Ponte Alegra said she is happy the federal government is protecting her right to vote.

"I come here four months before now to earning money for to send to back Mexico City for to helping mi familia buy food and DVDs," she said. "I work hard so hard day and every day. I deserve to voting for my best president I hear, Presidente Obama."

Undocumented meat packing plant worker Cort A. Carne said he and 30 other workers at the Escondido Chorizo Factory in California plan to vote at six or seven polling locations in November.

"El Presidente needs very much votes in November," he said, "and we want make sure he wins. He promise helping pathway to citizenship for hard workers like us. Mitt Romney say we must go home once a while and get work permits to come back and make sausage. We maybe not like Obama so much, but we are hating Mitt Romney more who wants to making us go way."

Limericks of the Day

by Craig LaRocco


For ignorance they can feather and tar us,
And from English courses they can bar us,
If we don't know,
Where we should go,
To find another word for Thesaurus.


They cook up in deep-fat fryers,
Or in skillets over open campfires.
They bake, roast or broil,
Sometimes wrapped up in foil,
These poor creatures all caught by fat liars.

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

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