Obama urged to share his wealth

Obama announces plans to revamp Constitution

Job czar quits over Obama's plan to fire vital workers

by Reeve Eiser

WASHINGTON, D.C., April 10, 2013 — President Obama's job czar has resigned after only six weeks on the job.

Nita Moore Jobs, sister-in-law of the late Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs and the chairwoman of the U.S. Collective Jobs Council since Feb. 20, announced her resignation today, effective yesterday. President Obama created the council in January after public outcry over his decision to let the Jobs Council fade to black earlier that month.

"It's my bad," she said. "I took the job under the impression that I was supposed to devise and implement policies that would increase employment. When President Obama finally clarified my role yesterday, I realized that I don't have the experience, desire or skills to perform the tasks he expects."

Asked to define the president's expectation, Jobs said Obama's plan to improve the economy requires the council to lay off or furlough tens of thousands of firefighters, police officers, teachers, doctors, nurses, Secret Service officers, criminal prosecutors and border patrol agents.

Jobs had attended a meeting of czars and cabinet officers who were updating the president on progress to build public support against the so-called sequester, which cuts federal spending by about 1.3 percent.

Held at the clubhouse of the Lou Neebin Memorial Golf Course in Virginia and scheduled between the president's ninth green and tenth tee box, the meeting was supposed to have been held in secret. A clubhouse grill worker and another highly placed source, however, provided details and a cell phone video of the meeting to Skinnyreporter. The phone containing the video was surreptitiously delivered to Skinnyreporter inside a grilled cheese sandwich.

"People aren't going to get behind higher taxes and increased spending unless we make them feel it where it hurts," the president said on the video clip.

Pointing at Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano, Obama said, "Some of you have done a pretty good job, especially Ms. Napolitano here. She released thousands of undocumented immigrants, including a few criminals, and she blamed it on the Republicans for cutting her budget. Way to go, Janet."

After a standing ovation, Obama continued with his praise of Napolitano.

"And that wasn't all," he said. "Janet announced furloughs of hundreds of ICE border patrol officers and announced that she would shut down a bunch of air control towers. Then she gave thousands of TSA officers some time off to ensure that airport lines are getting longer. Good job, Janet. I think people are already forgetting that the sequester was our idea in the first place."

After enjoying a sustained round of laughter, Obama then changed his mood. He appeared to be just as upset as President Bill Clinton was during his denial of an affair with an intern. Obama said he was especially unhappy that the job layoffs he had predicted in February had not occurred.

"Start firing people!" he shouted. "I told the American people that tens of thousands of teachers, firefighters, policemen, FBI officers and prosecutors would lose their jobs if I didn't get the budget increases I wanted. I don't care if a lot of you still have more money than last year. I'm going to lose my street cred if you don't start showing people how much they need us."

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney downplayed Ms. Jobs' resignation.

"President Obama is too busy trying to improve the economy and create jobs to meet with the jobs council anyway," he said. "This should come as no surprise to anybody with any logic and knowledge of history. After all, the president didn't have his first jobs council meet in the entire last 12 months of its existence."

Gowen T. Potts, chief publicist for the presidents Economic Recovery Council, sais the jobs council was ineffective because it "constantly was at loggerheads with his economic council."

"The jobs council was always pushing for incentives for business to grow and hire more employees," he said. "What the president wants is wealth redistribution, not for corporations to get bigger. We don't need more businesses; we need to extract more taxes from our current big and small businesses so that it can be redistributed to the bottom, where it can trickle up to the middle class.

"I doubt that the new jobs council would have been any different."

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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