Newt: 'I didn't want an open marriage; I just wanted a mistress'

by Donna B. Leevett

Jan. 24, 2012, Orlando, FL — Newt Gingrich exploded today when his speech on the steps of the Fantasy Castle at Disney World was interrupted by a reporter dressed as Mickey Mouse.

"Mr. Gingrich," the reporter yelled out. "Can you explain how your second ex-wife was lying when she told ABC News that you had asked her for an open marriage?"

Gingrich immediately scowled, his face reddened in obvious anger, and his eyebrows were bunched in rage.

"No," he said, "but I will.

"I think the destructive, vicious, negative nature of reporters who repeat an ex-wife's allegations make it harder for a person who has had an affair to run for office in this country. I refuse to say anything negative about either of my ex-wives or any of my former mistresses, but Marianne is a liar. I never wanted an open marriage."

The former Speaker of the House went on to say that he disagrees with the concept of an open marriage in which both spouses are allowed to have extra-marital relations.

"To suggest that I would have allowed Marianne to have affairs on me while I was having an affair with one of my aides is just about as despicable as anything I've ever heard of," he said. "All I wanted was permission to continue my affair with Callista.

"We called ABC News and offered the names and phone numbers of all my personal friends of the time. Both of them were willing to verify that there were only two women in my life during that period of time, Marianne and Callista, and my friends can confirm that I never would have allowed either one to have any affairs on me.

"At no time did my affairs ever cloud my judgment. Now, I hope this is the last time I will ever have to address the issue."

But the reporter, Dee Jenner VIII, a direct descendant of King Henry the Eighth and a correspondent for CNN, persisted.

"Do you consider it hypocritical to criticize President Bill Clinton over his alleged sexual misdeeds while you were having an eight year affair of your own?" he asked. "And do you think the voters in Florida will be just as forgiving of you as the voters of South Carolina were?"

Gingrich, who had paused to sip from a bottle of Evian, spit out the water in a spray that struck listeners two rows back and snarled an unintelligible response with only a few expletives discernible.

"I am appalled that a reporter dressed like Mickey Mouse would begin a conference at a children's playland with a question like that," he said. "Frankly, I'm getting tired, and I know the American people are getting tired, of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans."

Gingrich then called on another journalist, Wright A. Cross of the Christian Science Monitor, who was dressed in a suit and was waving his hand.

"Mr. Gingrich, sir, why do the American people accept you for changing your stand on global warming, a federal health insurance mandate and other issues important to conservatives while they seem to accept your criticism of Mitt Romney for changing his views?"

Gingrich smiled.

"I'm a born again Catholic," he said, "and I think evangelical Christians, which make up the majority of Republican voters in the South, can accept that. They believe in redemption, and I'm the poster child for redemption. They have faith in a 68-year-old grandfather like me who now has God in my life to resist temptations of the flesh. But they don't trust Governor Romney because he presents this Mormon image that is too good to be true. Does he really expect people to believe that he has never been unfaithful to his wife?"

Limerick of the Day

On his way home he deviated
To the pub where he inebriated
Till came his Colleen
Looking angry and mean
Saying, “Out or your life is abbreviated!”
Craig LaRocco

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