Today's Synapses

Santorum blows his stack again: "The &%$# press is so focused on what I say that they can't seem to report what I mean."

New Jersey palm reader May Neeya hopes Supreme Court keeps Obamacare in place. "I need coverage for pre-existing conditions just in case I go crazy before I buy health insurance," she said. "I won't be able to afford the lithium or the pyschiatric help if I'm not covered."

San Diego Zoo is full of global warming propaganda. Yes, we want to conserve animals, but will shunning bottled water really save gorillas?

MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell upset that some Americans disagree with his attack on George Zimmerman's lawyer: "Nobody should be allowed to post critical comments about me when they don't have all the facts," he said of posts by readers of an article about his attack.

You know you're losing it when you can't remember your mnemonics," President Obama says, explaining why he can't recall campaign promises.'

Link of the day

Former marxist exposes Obama's past

Obama explains why he can't acquiesce to Russia until after the election

by Tom E. Gunn

March 28, 2012, Washington, DC — President Obama, embarrassed by an incident on Monday, when an open microphone caught him telling the Russian president that he would be more flexible on nuclear disarmament after the election, explained in a press conference today why he cannot acquiesce to Russia sooner than November.

"The president of the free world at times is called upon to make an unpopular decision.," Obama said. "Only an idiot would make such a decision just before an election. Do I look like an idiot?"

A few heads in the press gallery nodded involuntarily, leading an obviously angered Obama to answer his own question.

"No," he said, pointing to a portrait of former President Ronald Reagan. "That's what one looks like. He said we could get peace through strength when everybody knows that in real life only bullies believe that. Whether you're in a schoolyard, a bar full of drunks or a street full of thugs, the only way to get along is to be meek and mild, just as the founder of the religion of peace taught.

"I've always admired Muhammad, the founding prophet of the religion of peace, and because of that respect I've never tried to hide my commitment to eliminate nuclear weapons."

Obama said his comment to Dmitry Medvedev, which was never meant to be public, was intended to assure Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin that he is "committed to reversing the failed Cold War policy that calls for mutual assured destruction."

"I don't want us to destroy each other," he said. "I want to ensure mutual survival."

The president said he won't have sufficient time to negotiate a nuclear treaty before November because he is "awfully busy" trying to get reelected.

"My supporters are solidly behind my efforts to fundamentally change America," he said, "but I must spend time and effort to reeducate moderates and independents who lack the intelligence necessary to understand that the only way we can reduce get our spending under control is to borrow another $11 trillion. These are the same people who can't comprehend why we must trust the Russians."

Obama took a swipe at Republicans who have criticized his willingness to reduce nuclear weaponry.

"We have spent billions of dollars in developing and maintaining our nuclear weapons," he said. "And where did that get us? Nowhere. That money could have been spent to develop solar panels and communal algae farms and decent electric cars that are better than glorified golf carts. We could have built living cubicles for every American and built a health care system that allocates resources on the greatest public needs rather than wasting billions of dollars by prolonging the lives of the elderly who are going to die anyway."

Obama said his deepest desire is to create a society that provides the basic rights of every human who survives the first nine weeks of gestation. He said those rights include certain rights that he hopes the Supreme Court upholds.

""That would include the right to free health care, including free birth control and abortions," he said. "Also the right to a job at a government farm or factory, the right to an interest-free loan to buy an electric car, the right to three Obamafare-approved meals, and the right to occupy a secure 10x10 cubicle built, maintained and video-monitored by the federal government."

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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