Obama says he is a modern Reagan
by Abe Lupén Siller
LONDON, England, May 24, 2011 — President Barack Obama explained in detail today multiple similarities between himself and the late President Ronald Reagan.
Flanked by his public relations director and half a dozen press aides, the president spoke at a hastily organized press conference at his favorite restaurant, McDonald's of Picadilly Square.
"I'm more like Reagan than any president since George W. Bush," Obama said. "It all started because Ron and I starred in the same movie, where I underwent five hours in makeup every day in order to play a chimpanzee in 'Bedtime for Bonzo.'"
Obama said the movie in which he starred launched Reagan's political career because the actor proved he could work with people who look and act like apes.
"You could say that if it weren't for my convincing performance, for which I was nominated for an Academy Award, Reagan never would have become president and the Soviets might have won the Cold War. My role in tearing down the Berlin Wall is the real reason I was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for which I was nominated even before I became president."
Obama said his raid to kill Osama Bin Laden inside Pakistan was inspired by Reagan's raid on Grenada. The president said both he and Reagan also supplied arms to rebels seeking to overthrow dictators.
"Reagan was president of the actor's union," Obama said, "and I was a community organizer who supported labor unions.
"Both of us played sports in college — Reagan football and I basketball. He played the Gipper in a movie, and I play the Gipper in real life."
Obama said socialized medical care is a common concern as well as defense of America against terrorists.
"Reagan thought of smart bombs, and I use them," the president said before excusing himself, saying he had a tee time at St. Andrews in Scotland.
White House Public Relations Director Noah Tellem said Obama and Reagan both pledged to rid the world of tyrants and terrorists in the Middle East.
"President Obama, like Reagan, bombed Libya," Tellem said. "And that's just the start. He wants to continue fighting in Afghanistan and the tribal regions of Pakistan. Syria will be next, and then probably North Korea. And President Obama is particularly concerned about the unprovoked attacks by Israel on Palestinians."
Deputy Press Aide Karen Handling said both presidents have actor Peter Fonda as an enemy. Fonda, who cites his role as a drug- and sex-crazed motorcyclist in "Easy Rider" as a catalyst in ending the war in Viet Nam, last week called Obama a traitor and said he had trained his children to use long-range firearms in an upcoming war with the president.
"Anybody on the opposite side of one of Henry Fonda's children is on the right track," Handling said.
White House Propaganda Chief Hal Lou Cinnater said the chief journalists employed by the mainstream media are convinced Obama is the reincarnation of Reagan.
"Everybody from Andrea Mitchell and Katie Couric down to David Gregory think Obama has all the great qualities of Reagan," he said.
Obama's chief speechwriter, Rose Bush, said Obama, like Reagan, is a great orator. She said another similarity is that both had mothers who grew up in the Midwest and, therefore, had Midwestern values of independence and integrity. Bush said both presidents' wives campaigned against substance abuse — Nancy Reagan told citizens to say no to narcotic drugs, while Michelle Obama has been campaigning to outlaw hamburgers, French fries, pastries and candy.
White House Medical Advisor Dr. Al Zeymers said both presidents also tend to be forgetful.
"President Reagan was beginning to show signs of dementia during his last term," Zeymers. "Obama in his first term already has forgotten a number of things, such as campaign promises, the number of states he has visited and his vicious criticism of Reagan in his ghostwritten books.
"I would say there never has been a president as much like Reagan as President Obama."
Showing that he is a consummate professional, Dr. Zeymers then passed out barf bags to the handful of non-liberal reporters at the press conference. By the time this reporter and his suddenly nauseated colleagues returned, the press conference had ended. Obama has promised to sit down with Skinnyreporter for an extended interview after he reduces taxes, pulls remaining troops out of Iraq, defeats socialism and increases domestic oil production.
Quote of the Day
"Ronald Reagan changed the trajectory of America in a way that Richard Nixon did not, and a way that Bill Clinton did not,"” — President Barack Obama