"I wonder if Bill Clinton's picture is on the New York sex offender website," said convicted stalker Hunter Downe.
With Obama's killing of the space shuttle NASA is hiring expert hitchhikers to find foreign rockets that will let U.S. satellites hop into the back seat.
At Dulles International Airport, where the Discovery shuttle was making its last flight, former astronaut Dr. Anna Fisher noticed a little boy, Ethan, dressed in a spacesuit. "Do you want to be an astronaut?" she asked. When he nodded, his mother asked Fisher for advice. "Study Russian," she answered, obviously referring to the fact that with Obama's cancelling NASA funding for manned flight, the U.S. will be paying $63 million a seat for American astronauts to reach the international space station.
Piñata maker posts record sales with Zimmerman and Ann Romney modelsby Starr Gaye Zerr
Washington, DC, April 17, 2012 — While most companies are struggling to survive in the Obama economy, business is booming for South Texas Piñata manufacturer Papier-Mache Services (PMS). The company made its mark by offering a Piñata of the Month to groups of wives and girlfriends who reported feeling better after taking out their aggressions on a papier-mache likeness of males. Especially popular were Mr. Couch Potato, Latina favorite Manuel Leva and Undercover Boss, which sells well in office districts. Those models were shipped full of chocolate candies and tiny boxes of Mydol.
"Our newest models are flying off the shelves," said PMS CEO Buster Chaupps. "Our Ann Romney is hot right now in blue states where females who work outside the home seem to get a special thrill out of beating this particular piñata to smithereens."
Chaupps said sales of its best-selling model ever, the Jorge Zimmerman, have dropped drastically after a factory malfunction caused a piñata to be shipped out with a real handgun molded into its right hand. A black teenager beat the toy so severely that its nose broke, causing the handgun to discharge, sending the young man to an early date at the judgment bar in the sky. Black teenagers who were fearful of being shot have switched to a new model, the Vacationing White Woman, with 16,000 sales in the past week.
The favorite model among Republicans is the GSA Partier, which comes in several variations, including GSA Batman, GSA Wonder Woman, GSA The Hulk and GSA The Pimp. More than 28,000 GSA piñatas arrived in American homes today just in time for GOP taxpayers to mail their IRS returns and then attend parties to retire these piñatas permanently.
PMS piñata designer Foster Vyluntz said he is working on a new piñata, the Sammy Secret Service, which comes with $47 in Monopoly money, a dozen white balloons that can be used in a fun dart game, and a real zipper on its trousers.
Company marketing director Rock Pounder said he plans to wait until June to release two models that he believes will outsell everything the company has ever made, the Mitt Wit and the Obamanable Snowman, which comes with two certificates of authenticity, one from Kenya and the other from Hawaii.
Meanwhile, he said he is working on a special order of 10,000 piñatas for the Rev. Louis Farrakhan. The model he chose, Rabbi Banker, has been popular for years, particularly among black Muslim, Pounder said.