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Alaskans thankful for 'saved' jobs

Obama lists successes

Obama Administration Lowers Tax Threshold

by Rowlan D. Haye

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Taxpayers who earn less than $9,080 a year will not see an increase in taxes or federal fees in 2011, the Obama Administration's chief economist said today.

"We had anticipated that only taxpayers who made more than $250,000 a year would see an increase in taxes and mandatory federal fees," White House Financial Projections Chief Paye T. Morrow said. "But we are being forced to lower that threshold due to deficit spending by the Bush Administration."

He said "all the best economists in the world are surprised" that tripling the deficit since President George W. Bush left office has not reduced federal indebtedness. He said their calculations were based on observations of the typical American family and had indicated that the country's debt problems could be solved by tripling financial obligations.

"Think of the United States as a family that has $30,000 in credit card debt," Morrow said. "The obvious solution is to get two new credit cards and spend another $60,000. We applied that model to federal spending, but there was a totally unexpected result: The federal government now owes more money than it did previously. This is especially puzzling because all the economists who supported President Obama's campaign had reached a consensus that our current path would lead us quickly out of the mess that Bush left us in."

Director Robin Steele of the Internal Revenue Service said taxpayers can take solace in the fact that they will be getting more for their money as tax rates increase.

"There are many positive aspects of paying a higher percentage of income to the federal government," he said. "For example, you can take pride in contributing toward the salaries of thousands of new IRS agents who will be enforcing the Health Insurance Reform Bill's requirement to carry health insurance. Deadbeats who don't pay the penalties can be fined $25,000. We anticipate tax liens will be placed on 4 million houses, which will be a wonderful boost to America as it increases its real estate holdings."

He said taxpayers also can take pride in contributing toward the welfare of fellow citizens, including those with Exertion Aversion Syndrome (EAS), a prime cause of unemployment.

Quote of the Day

"Some people think they're better than others. I was always taught that I'm no better, but I'm just as good." — Jerry Sloan, coach, Utah Jazz, National Basketball Association

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