Gibson shut down to create jobs

Feds expand graphic warnings

Troops to fight Tea Party terrorists

Cuts are actually increases

Patriotic congresswomen reveal true terroristic enemies of America

by Bea Fuh-Doold

Aug. 24, 2011, Washington, D.C. — Two congresswomen were lauded today for risking their lives by publicly identifying a domestic terrorist group that threatens America.

"Representatives Maxine Waters and Frederica Wilson showed true courage this week by calling the Tea Party the true enemy of the United States," said Democrat Party adviser Hedda N. Sand. "They know this action jeopardizes their lives, but somebody has to do something about this radical group, whose only aim is to destroy America."

Sand said she told both women to cover their faces with masks before publicly taking on terrorists, but they brushed aside her suggested security measures. Sand said she was bursting with pride when Wilson firmly stated, "The real enemy is the Tea Party!"

Bravely appearing with only half a dozen Black Panther body guards, Rep. Wilson (D-FL) wore a glittering red cowboy hat, mocking the patriotic costumes that were worn by more than a few Tea Party activists when they gathered last year in Washington to plot the overthrow of the U.S. government.

"I'm fearful that the crazed grandmothers and angry white men who run the Tea Party will assassinate her," said Wilson's chief body guard, Lou S. Cruz. "Anybody who would harm Americans by cutting taxes and reducing the size of our government is surely capable of such lunacy."

Rep. Waters (D-CA) called on President Obama to declare war on the Tea Party to ensure that its members can be sent to the same immortal prison occupied by other followers of Satan.

"There is no need to give our enemies a chance to clog up our judicial system here on earth or in the heavens above," she told a crowd of enthusiastic supporters in the Golden State. "As far as I'm concerned, the Tea Party can go straight to hell."

Waters said she realized the danger imposed by the Tea Party when its members doggedly refused to raise the federal debt limit unless the rate of deficit spending were cut. She said treasonous Tea Party supporters in Congress held America hostage until the "true patriots of America — the Democrats and the Rinos [Republicans in name only] — stood up for sanity."

"If the Tea Party had its way, actual spending would be cut," she said, "not just the rate of spending increases. Even our great country's credit rating agencies were fooled when they said the Tea Party's 'Cut, Cap and Balance' bill was the only proposal that could prevent a downgrade of America's credit rating. As it turned out, the Tea Party damaged our credit rating merely by suggesting such a socially irresponsible plan."

Janeane Garafalo, celebrated by liberal commentators for her incisive political analysis, said the Tea Party has stooped to a new low by paying black businessmen to deflect charges of racism.

"Herman Cain is a black businessman who put the mighty dollar before his own race by accepting bribes to run for president as a Republican," she said. "Everybody knows Republicans are racists and the Tea Party is a racist hate group. They obviously paid Cain to run so that people wouldn't think they're racist. Without bribery no person of color would ever support the Tea Party and its hateful campaign to cut deficit spending, reduce the size of the federal government and return this country to outdated concepts such as the U.S. Constitution."

She said Republicans in general and Tea Party activists in general are conspiring to preserve capitalism and reverse progress toward socialism in American government.

"We must defeat the Tea Party and their crazy leaders, such as Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann," she said. "They want to drag America back 50 years when people had to work to earn enough money to live on. Think of the millions of Americans whose lives would be turned upside down if their welfare checks, food stamps and rent subsidy payments were cut. Think of the millions of federal employees who labor away in thousands of offices across America if suddenly we as a government was forced to live within its means.

"The Tea Party is a terrorist organization because nothing terrorizes Americans more than the prospect of having to get a job."

Quote of the Day

"If Janeane Garofalo and these other loonies believe I’m being paid, would she send me the phone number? Because whoever is supposed to be paying me, they are behind on their payments.” — Herman Cain, Republican candidate for president of the U.S.

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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