Obama grants UCA waivers to atheists, agnostics, strippers and other Democrats

by Ben Z. Dreen

Dec. 10, 2013, WASHINGTON, DC — President Obama today granted Unaffordable Care Act waivers to members of groups who have supported him, including atheists, agnostics, strippers, pornographers, community organizers, gay activists, undocumented immigrants, actors, film producers, rock and blues musicians, liberal arts professors, donors to liberal non-profit groups such as the Democrat National Committee and any voter who signs an affidavit that he or she voted straight Democrat every election since 2008.

"I would have exempted writers and country musicians, too," the president said, "but there are too many among them who are still opposed to my efforts to fundamentally change America."

Obama said all voters who supported him deserve waivers from the individual mandate to buy federally approved health insurance because federal plans often require premiums that are too high for ordinary Americans to afford, usually have higher deductibles and do not pay for treatment by top doctors and hospitals.

Former Texas Congresswoman Rue Bella, director of the Division of Health Care for Undocumented Immigrants, said the UCA originally was intended to provide free health care for citizens and non-citizens who could not afford insurance.

"Wealthy citizens and those fortunate enough to have regular, full-time employment were supposed to pay for the benefits of the poor and those afflicted with incurable disorders such as EAS, Exertion Aversion Syndrome," she said. "The president has the authority to use waivers to assure that the law works as intended."

Nose, Ear and Throat Specialist Dr. Ferrin Jighdess said all UCA-approved doctors and economists support the president's waivers.

"Obamacare was meant to make health care affordable for those who can't afford it and unaffordable for those who can," he said. "Unfortunately, due to pressure from Republicans to kill UCA, nobody in Congress was able to read the bill before passing it, so the fact that the bill as drafted made health care unaffordable for everyone went unnoticed."

Health Czar Dr. Sariah Cess said she has been working on a method to divide the haves from the have-nots, a system that will allow the federal government to determine easily which citizens should receive free or subsidized health insurance and which should pay increased premiums and receive reduced benefits. Her Standard Test for Expropriations of Assets and Luxuries is almost ready to be implemented.

"STEAL will provide guidelines to federal agents who are commissioned to redistribute income through UCA," Cess said. "People who have large homes, money in the bank and who own automobiles that destroy valuable fossil fuels obviously have more income and wealth than they need and, therefore, should pay their fair share of other people's health care insurance."

She likened Obamacare to federal payments to retirees who are forced by poor health into nursing homes.

"People with assets must give them up before the government will pay for them to stay in an assisted living center," she said. "This is to ensure that wealth is not passed onto undeserving children and grandchildren but to the federal government, which provided the infrastructure that permitted the wealth to be acquired in the first place. Ideally, citizens with their own means to pay for health care must transfer their wealth to others or to the federal government before taking unfair advantage of their economic status to get health care that is unavailable to the disadvantaged."

UCA architect Dr. West Nyle said he supports President Obama's vows to defeat all efforts to repeal or substantially change his health insurance mandate.

"President Obama as a committed liberal is dedicated to the prospect that unintended consequences should not be used as an excuse to eliminate or alter beyond recognition any bill whose sponsors had good intentions," he said. "Intentions are what matter, not results."

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