Democrat pollsters predict victory

Minorities to get extra votes

Obama officials claim 'great progress' in redistributing wealth

by Dewey Needham

NEW YORK CITY, New York, Oct. 28, 2010 — Democrats have made "great progress" in redistributing wealth, but Republican gains in the house could eliminate hard-won advances. That was the message of the Obama administration today as five officials held a news conference here to ask voters to elect progressives and liberals.

May K. Enzmete, newly appointed to direct the Obama administration's Redistribution and Equalization Department (RED), said today the nation has made "great progress in eliminating the gap between the rich and the poor."

Popularly known as the RED czar, Enzmete said all progress could be lost "if voters elect the wrong Senators and Congressmen." She said the Obama administration, working with both houses of Congress, which has been controlled by Democrats since January 2007, has given her several wealth-equalizing tools that could be taken out of her hands by a Republican Congress.

"President Obama was elected largely because he promised to take from the haves and give to the have-nots," she said. "An overwhelming majority of the people's republic voted for him — 52 percent — giving our great leader a mandate.

"The public wants to increase taxes on the greedy, who seem constantly to hog all the jobs, and give money to those who haven't been lucky enough to be born into families that own their own homes and automobiles and were given jobs that should have gone to the poor."

Enzmete said she is fearful that a Republican Congress could eliminate two of her most effective tools to redistribute wealth — ObamaCare and the scheduled automatic income tax increase.

"The health insurance reform act is an equitable way to prevent the wealthy from getting more and better health care than the poor," she said. "It is against the values that we Americans hold dear for a person who has money to be able to afford what a less fortunate person cannot pay for.

"Health insurance reform will ensure that those who don't have jobs or who have low-paying jobs will have their insurance premiums paid by people who are above the poverty level.

"But income tax increases are even more important," she said. "Congress has scheduled an automatic tax increase that will go into effect on Jan. 1. Everybody who has a job will pay more to the federal government, which can then use that money to reduce the poverty gap.

"A taxpayer who is lucky enough to bring in, say, $8,000 a year in taxable income will see his federal income tax rise from 10 percent to 15 percent. All this money flowing in will allow me to issue billions of dollars of checks in the Wealth and Assets Redistribution on Poverty (WAR on Poverty) program."

The president's czar over global warming, Doug Graves, who chairs the Commission of Redistribution Against Zoological Environmental Destruction (CRAZED), said his efforts to cool the earth cannot succeed without eliminating the upper-middle and upper classes.

"People who have privately owned automobiles and centrally heated and cooled homes are to blame for global warming," he said. "They waste fossil fuel more than any other people on earth. Many citizens also waste energy on maintaining their own privately owned lawns, which — unlike community parks — are closed to the poor.

"We have known for generations that the best way to reduce the disparity between the poor and the rich is to lessen the wealth of the rich and the middle class. We have made great strides along those lines. I'm happy to report that we have greatly reduced the demand for global-heating luxury items, such as private cars and SUVs, centrally heated and air conditioned homes, boats, motorhomes, 30-inch and larger TVs and vacations. This is a certain indication that we have finally reduced the number of the haves."

Joy Kill, the chronically pessimistic director of the federally funded group, Progressive Organizers Opposing Reemployment (POOR), said her office is grateful for the sacrifices made by Americans who are helping to ensure wealth redistribution.

"If you used to work in the automobile, boat, construction or vacation industries," she said. "our hats go off to you. Without your sacrifice thousands of companies would still be making the rich richer. The nation thanks you.

"I want to assure all Americans who used to have jobs that we will extend your unemployment benefits permanently so that you will not contribute to global warming by commuting to work. And if President Obama has his way, you'll earn more on unemployment than by having to get a menial job."

"Take heart in the fact that the wealthy and the middle class are suffering even more than you are. Foreclosures are way up in upper-class and middle-class neighborhoods. I, for one, am overjoyed that the wealthy are finally getting their comeuppance for enslaving Americans who have been forced to work to enrich others."

Part 2

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