Obama campaign cashes in 35,000 wedding gifts at Walmart

by Maude E. Pond
for Skinnyreporter.com

June 23, 2012, Washington, DC — President Obama's reelection campaign committee's latest idea for raising cash is already paying dividends but in unexpected ways. On Friday the campaign committee asked couples who are planning weddings before election day to ask their friends and family members to donate to the Obama campaign in lieu of buying gifts for the happy couples. Something was lost in the translation, however, as many donors sent actual wedding gifts rather than cash.

"We are happy that so many people are willing to help the president continue his campaign to fundamentally change America," White House assistant press secretary Ima Jo King said. "But we would rather have cash than gravy bowls."

She said the campaign already has hauled more than 35,000 wedding gifts to a Walmart in Richmond, Virginia, including more than 1,700 Crockpots, 550 gravy bowls, 2,500 sets of drinking glasses, 17 flyswatters, six sets of golf clubs, about 500 sets of bed sheets and a "How to Prepare for Divorce" CD. King said Walmart gave cash for every gift except the CD, which will be sold on Ebay.

King said the appeal for donations in lieu of wedding gifts raised about $100,000 over the weekend.

"We suspect that some couples are being selfish and have refused to give up the chance to receive gifts at their weddings," she said. "Some people just have their priorities wrong. They don't realize that Barack could help them get on the gravy boat in return for their gravy bowl."

Campaign Auditor Price B. Wright said gay couples especially should consider helping Obama win reelection because he recently reversed his position against gay marriage.

"A lot of these gay couples have been together for years already," he said, "so they really don't need gifts. Even if the couples themselves don't ask their guests to make donations to our great leader, the guests should take it upon themselves to do so."

Campaign tactician Ella Vader said the Obama registry program includes gifts for wedding anniversaries and birthdays.

"Don't waste money on birthday cakes and candles this year," she said. "Besides, candles burn hydrocarbons and when multiplied by 300 million birthdays every year, they send thousands of tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, which causes global warming. If you really love people celebrating birthdays, send money to President Obama."

Campaign Committee Accountant Rob N. Huid said the program has been so successful that it will be expanded to include Halloween treats.

"If you really love kids," he said, "you won't be giving them candy in October. If you love kids, you will donate money to help our great leader defeat Mitt Romney, who is so out of touch with people that he would take candy from children."

Vader said the reelection campaign committee will not ask children to forgo Christmas gifts this year unless polls in August indicate that Romney is still leading Obama.

"We have found that a lot of parents would give money to help President Obama, but they can't afford both Christmas gifts and campaign contributions," she said.

Campaign Adviser M.T. Tume said he is working to expand the program to allow mourners to send money to the president rather than buy flowers.

"The dead won't care," he said. "If you didn't give them flowers while they were alive, it's too late now. But President Obama needs your cash now so that he can continue his commonsense approach to legalize partial-birth abortion, undocumented immigration, gay marriage, higher taxes and raising the debt limit."

Tume said the campaign committee is exploring other ideas to raise money, such as auctioning off golf rounds with the president, selling waivers to companies who don't want to take part in the Unaffordable Health Care Act, and offering nights in the Lincoln Bedroom to high bidders.

He said the president also is hoping Congress will approve his request for another $1 trillion in stimulus funds so that he can stimulate campaign donors who need government grants and loans to give more money toward his reelection.

Home page
Article Archive
Synapses Synopsis Archive
You might be a liberal if ...
You might be a conservative if ...
Facebook page
Position on bigotry
Glossary (under construction)

Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

Articles are copyrighted. You may email or use articles if they are attributed to Skinnyreporter.com. Websites may publish as many as 20 Skinnyreporter articles, but you must have written permission to publish any of them in a printed book or magazine.

Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

Please support:

Spurlin Heating and Air
Farmington, Utah

Call 801-709-9280 to purchase an advertisement here ($200 per column inch per month).