Today's Synapses

Obama points out his abilities and positive characteristics but is especially proud of his humility.

Obama: "Raising the interest on student loans would lead to a disaster: Students would be forced to studies that lead to good jobs."

Obama promises to improve Obamacare, raising age of children covered on parents' insurance plan from 26 to 46.

Limerick of the Day

Chiropractors

The aches and pains were a sign
That his back was feeling un fine
So off he went
Crooked and bent
To a doc where he showed him some spine

He gave my poor spine a whack
That chiro who seemed like a hack
I think with a hatchet
His skill I could match it
And out do him as a lumbar jack
Jared LaRocco

Guest editorial

Why I plan to vote for Obama

by Heddon Sand
for Skinnyreporter.com

As a proud supporter of President Barack H. Obama in the reddest of the red states — Utah — I find myself in a minority. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney has overwhelming support here in the Beehive State and not just because about 60 percent of Utahns share his religious affiliation with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He is well-liked here even among voters of other faiths because he rescued the 2002 Winter Olympics from scandal after previous organizers were accused of doing what we expected them to do by bribing officials to have the event based here.

Most Utahns have political views that align closely with those of Romney, and that is true even of most Democrats such as I. Keep in mind that Utah was the only state where independent Ross Perot got more votes than Democrat Bill Clinton. Most of my friends are Democrats for only two reasons: 1) They don't want to affiliate with a party that is dominated by Mormons in this state, and 2) they come from coal mining families and are, hence, supportive of labor unions. But most of them don't like Obama, who has cancelled coal and gas leases and put many of them in unemployment lines.

So why am I going to cast my vote for President Obama again in November? Following are the chief reasons:

1.) Skin color. Even though I grew up in a town where I never saw a person with black skin, other than my coal mining daddy as he got into the shower after work, I've always wanted to have a black friend. Voting two times in a row for a half-black president proves to others as well as to myself that I am not a racial bigot.

2.) Gay marriage. Even when Obama said he was opposed to gay marriage in the 2008 debates, I didn't believe him. And he came through for me when he showed his courage by deciding to ignore his constitutional duty to defend the Defense of Marriage Act. Now I can foresee the day when even in Utah my gay mother, Sue E. Cydell, will be able to marry her former bridesmaid, Thelonius Gallintown.

3.) Sea levels. President Obama has promised that he will lower sea levels. Utah used to be a giant swamp where dinosaurs roamed, and the valleys where almost everybody lives nowadays used to be underwater. I don't want the Sea of Bonneville to fill up again because I don't swim. I'm totally convinced that if we all drive Chevy Volts, use electric lawnmowers and wear parkas instead of firing up central furnaces, we can stop the Arctic ice cap from melting and drowning the polar bears.

4.) Peace. Obama is the only presidential candidate who has won the Nobel Peace Prize, and he deserved it for all the things he said the last time we had a presidential election. I know he bombed Libya and invaded Pakistan since then, but I'm confident that he would never bomb North Korea or Iran no matter how many nuclear bombs and missiles they make.

5.) Redistribution of wealth. I don't think it's fair that I earn $9 an hour at Sal Minnela's Italian Restaurant when Sal himself gets to live in a big house on the hill and drive a Hummer. I work harder than Sal and deserve some of his money, which President Obama has promised to get for me by buying my gas and paying my mortgage.

6.) Economy. Under Obama our country is running so efficiently that fewer people have to work. Before he took office about two-thirds of working-age people worked. Now it's down to 62 percent. That's not so impressive until you realize that the number of working-age people went up by about 1 million, and the labor rate still went down. I'm hoping that someday only about one-third of Americans will have to work, and the rest of us can collect the government checks that we deserve. That's what I call a real economy of labor.

(Continued)

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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