Buffet Rule tax won't help with jobs or gas prices

Today's Synapses

Tweep Ken Gardner asks, "Why raise taxes on millionaires when you can lower taxes for secretaries?" @BrandonKiser

Hillary Clinton left a smaller tip for her 12 guests at a Colombian restaurant than a Secret Service agent allegedly paid a local prostitute.

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” — Albert Einstein

Obama says Romney is a racial profiler because he thinks all illegal aliens came here from foreign countries.

Al Sharpton sees no hypocrisy in saying Trayvon "committed no crime" when the teenager allegedly was beating up George Zimmerman.

You might be a liberal if ...

by Dusty Sandman

You might be a liberal if ...

You think Canadians buy no health insurance.

You believe companies provide free health care and retirement.

You believe that a venture firm CEO is doing his job if he keeps failing businesses open.

You believe the big money in the investment capital business is shutting down bankrupt businesses and selling their assets.

You think employees of money-losing businesses have the right to demand that investors keep them on the payroll.

You have never skipped a paycheck to ensure that your employees are paid on time.

You criticize Mitt Romney for having a grandfather who lived among polygamists (even though his grandfather had only one wife) but think Obama's bigamist father and polygamist grandfather are irrelevant.

You think the law of supply and demand affects prices except of oil and gasoline.

You think Vice-President Joe Biden is smarter than former VP Dick Cheney.

You think the governor who tried to keep nine black students out of a high school in Arkansas (The Little Rock Nine) was a Republican and the president who sent the Army to escort them into school was a Democrat.

You think Obama should claim credit for increased domestic oil production despite his three-year record of doing everything he could to reduce it.

You think investigators who concluded that Obama's Hawaii birth certificate is a forgery must be wrong because they are conservatives.

You don't demand to know why Obama's Social Security card was issued for a resident of Connecticut, a state where he never lived.

You think Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona is unqualified to lead an investigation of Obama's U.S. citizenship though he worked for 25 years as an investigator for the Drug Enforcement Administration.

You thought Bush's college grades were a matter of national concern but accept Obama's secrecy over his college papers.

You think Sunday talk shows are balanced when a token conservative is filibustered by three or four liberals, including the host.

You care about racial diversity in the major news media but don't care that 90 percent of their reporters vote Democrat.

You support politicians who want to put coal miners, military personnel and oil field workers on unemployment but hate politicians who want to get rid of overpaid bureaucrats.

You call raising taxes "investing in our future" unless the money is spent on the military.

You think it's OK to ban schools from holding bake sales to raise money because the government has a duty to enforce dieting.

You praise Hillary Clinton for eschewing makeup but think Republican women who wear ordinary clothes are frumpy.

You praise Bill Clinton for his greatest accomplishment — welfare reform — but hate Republicans for fighting Obama's "wealth redistribution."

You blame George Bush for the bank deregulation bill signed by Bill Clinton.

You cite his fancy garage as proof that Mitt Romney is out of touch but thought nothing of John Kerry's multiple mansions worth $33 million.

You were upset with the money Sarah Palin spent on her wardrobe but see nothing wrong with Michelle Obama's spending twice as much.

You oppose a fence on our southern border but live in a gated community.

You think churches should not be exempt from taxes.

You cheered when your candidate said "Bush" but insist that others show respect by saying "President Obama."

Your chief argument for opposing oil extraction in the Arctic 10 years ago was that it would take too long — 10 years — to produce oil.

You think people who defend themselves with guns are violent nut cases who were looking for trouble.

You still think John Edwards would have been a better vice-president than Dick Cheney.

You see Obama's Harvard degree as evidence of vastly superior intelligence, but you think Bush is an idiot though he's the only president to have earned an M.B.A. (from Harvard).

You might be liberal if you think conservatives are racists for opposing Obama's radical socialism.

You think Christians are a bigger threat than radical Islamist fascists.

You think the media should not run pix reminding us of what terrorists did on 9-11 but excuse pix of our soldiers posing w dead suicide bombers.

You think of Michael Moore as a hero because people had to pay $14 million for tickets to see his movie opposing capitalism.

You have the hair and beard of Jesus and the work ethic of the town drunk.

You're against people who intimidate at polling places unless they're New Black Panthers.

Your views are constantly evolving when you lack courage to take a stand.

You think George Clooney, Roseann Barr, Sean Penn and Barbra Streisand know more about the military, taxes and the economy than any Republican.

You call for respectful dialogue, then call Republicans "Nazis," "baby killers," "war criminals," "rich white men who want dirty air and dirty water," "sluts," "imbeciles" and "flat earthers."

You pour blood on women wearing fur but cry foul when pro-lifers show pictures of a murdered fetus to women considering abortion.

You think we should have believed Saddam Hussein but we should not believe Ahmadinejad.

You get your news from the Comedy Central and Saturday Night Live.

You oppose racial hatred but practice class hatred.

You think anybody with a job is rich.

You think you're charitable by taking my money to pay for your programs.

You might be liberal if you think conservatives are racists for opposing Obama's radical socialism.

You look just like all the other nonconformists you idolize.

You thank the lamestream media for refusing to run pictures of people jumping off the Twin Towers while excusing them for running pictures of Americans posing with dead suicide bombers.

You like giving billions of tax dollars to failing solar panel companies but want to tax successful oil companies out of business.

You aborted your baby but want to saddle my baby with your debts.

Your chief goal is to get a bigger check from the government.

You think the lamestream media is unbiased.

You have ever arranged to get yourself laid off so that you could beach bum, ski or go fishing on unemployment checks.

You think Obama's college documents should be private but Mitt Romney's tax returns should be public.

You believed candidate Obama when he said he opposed gay marriage.

You think taxpayers are not paying their fair share if their tax rate is higher than yours.

You think it's OK to call Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Ann Coulter sluts but wrong to call a slut a slut.

You think a 10 percent return is an obscene profit for the oil industry but a 15 percent tax on oil companies is low.

You don't want your daughter "punished with a baby."

You think the Democrats can choose my charities better than I can.

You hate SUVs but love Chevy Volts.

You call yourself open-minded but won't watch Fox News or Hannity and won't tune into Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, Michael Savage or any other conservative talk show.

Jerry Springer supports your candidates.

Your favorite part of Obama's health insurance plan is that it doubles or triples premiums on vets and active-duty military.

You're 30 years old and live in your mother's basement.

You think we can solve our nation's debt problems by borrowing more money.

You think the government can do a better job of picking your health insurance plan than you can.

You want higher taxes on everybody else but refuse to pay more taxes voluntarily.

Prostitutes, strippers, pornographers, drug dealers and deadbeats oppose the same candidates you hate.

You signed a mortgage you know you can't afford and then blame the bank.

You don't believe in God or Jesus but curse by invoking their names.

You want a government agency such as the TSA deciding on your health care.

You've chained yourself to a bulldozer to prevent it from thinning pinyon-juniper cover for improved wildlife habitat.

You spent more on your pet's wardrobe than you donated to charity in an entire year.

You think you're smarter than Karl Rove, Marco Rubio, Rush Limbaugh, George Bush, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Condoleeza Rice.

You know nothing about Thomas Paine or Alexander Hamilton but everything about Kim Kardsashian.

You consider yourself open to other cultures except the culture of the Bible Belt.

You honor and respect the sacred places and religious practices of voodoo worshippers, native Americans, Muslims, Wicaans and New Age worshippers but despise and mock those of Protestants, Mormons and Catholics.

If you hyphenated your last name with that of your spouse.

You think I must accept your opinions to show tolerance while you shout me down or call me a name usually reserved for genitalia.

You were disappointed when Dick Cheney got a heart transplant.

You think freedom of religion means freedom from religion.

You think Mitt Romney wasn't paying his fair share when he paid the federal income $10 million in taxes.

You still consider Obama a uniter rather than a divider.

"In God We Trust" on U.S. coins offends you.

You think a health insurance bill will reduce the cost of medical care.

Your legs are hairier than your boyfriend's.

You believe Bill Clinton that he smoked marijuana but never inhaled.

You gave more to the ACLU than your local church.

You think stay-at-home moms never had a real job.

You hate capitalism but want a capitalist to give you a job.

You are among the 50 percent of Americans who pay no federal income tax.

You think everybody but you should be forced to drive a glorified golf cart.

You oppose highway projects funded by gas taxes paid by drivers, yet you favor mass transit projects that are built with tax money taken involuntarily from citizens who always drive.

You call me names for sticking to facts.

You believe that People for the American Way believe in what made America great.

You think standardized tests are racist but racial quotas are not.

You resort to calling your opponent a racist when you're losing a debate.

You like governmental programs that make you feel good even when you know they don't work.

You think Al Gore is smarter than George Bush.

You think that the top 10 percent of income earners aren't paying enough taxes when they pay 73 percent of total income tax revenues.

You think Obama is the most intelligent president in history.

You want George Zimmerman lynched before his trial.

You hate capitalism because you can't get a job for your tattoos and fluorescent green mohawk.

Howard Stern, Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt share your views.

You think a good investment of your tax money is to fund green companies that can't compete in the open market.

You criticized Bush for invading Iraq with UN approval but cheered Clinton for invading Haiti and Bosnia without UN approval.

You apologize for America's wars to defeat despots who take away freedom.

You never did your own research and thinking on what your leftist professors told you.

You never read news that make conservatives look good or liberals look bad because your only newspaper is The New York Times and your only magazine is Newsweek.

When tallying the innocent lives lost in Iraq, you include only those accidentally killed by Americans and not the hundreds of thousands intentionally murdered by Saddam and his thugs.

The only windows in your church are openings between the trees.

You don't believe the swift boat sailors who said John Kerry was a fraud.

"You think selling guns to Mexican drug lords is good but to law-abiding Americans is bad."

You think "An Inconvenient Truth" deserved an Oscar.

You think paying more than $200,000 a year to a school district superintendent will help Johnny read.

You think the Ice Age ended because cavemen's fires raised carbon levels and caused global warming.

You believe Dan Rather's forged documents on George Bush's military service.

You think prisons should have racial quotas.

You think marijuana is a beneficial herb.

You think Republicans want dirty air and polluted water.

You poohpooh Christianity but promote witchcraft and earth worship.

You think the Supreme Court elected George Bush.

You think corporate profits are bad but corporate taxes are good.

You think drinking bottled water will save endangered gorillas.

You think gun control will take guns from criminals.

You dispute a judge's findings that "An Inconvenient Truth" contained at least nine major falsehoods.

You call Columbus a genocidal maniac but Che a noble leader.

You think socialism will work if we give it another try.

You agree with Obama cabinet member Anita Dunn that mass murderer Mao Tse Tung is a philosopher worthy of admiration and respect.

You believe Al Gore that global warming will melt sea ice and raise sea levels 20 feet to 67 meters even though the level in your soda glass drops when your ice cubes melt.

You look just like all the other noncomformists you idolize.

You think illegal drugs should be legalized and fattening foods should be banned.

You blame the United States for the cruelty of Christopher Columbus even though he died 270 years before the Declaration of Independence.

You wear a bull ring in your nose and tribal plugs in your ears.

You think it's OK to kick kids out of school for wearing a U.S. flag shirt on Cinco de Mayo.

You worry more about criminal rights than victim rights.

You're ashamed to wear a U.S. flag label pin.

You'll quote a single doctor that cocaine and heroin are harmless if taken in "moderation" but think that millions of doctors who disagree are uninformed demagogues.

You think Steve Jobs deserved his wealth while other CEOs do not.

You never find out what news isn't covered by the New York Times or the major networks.

You think millionaires should pay a higher tax rate instead of reducing the tax rate of their secretaries.

You want more wind generators unless you can see them from your house.

You call U.S. soldiers baby killers but support doctors who slice and dice or suck the brains out of babies about to be born.

You want to legalize marijuana but outlaw tobacco.

You support Al Gore and celebrities who fly around in private jets to scaremonger the public over global warming.

You think the government should supply Korans to inmates but should keep Bibles out of the reach of schoolchildren.

You call Lincoln a racist even though he emancipated the slaves.

You think sanctions on rogue nations, after 40 years of accomplishing nothing, will work this time.

You hate NASCAR but love hybrids.

You think animals have human rights, but you wear leather shoes.

You think Obama is well deserving of the Nobel Peace prize even after he invaded Libya and had Osama bin Laden shot on sight rather than captured even though he was unarmed.

You think that Americans were wrong to invade Iraq after Saddam Hussein reneged on letting UN inspectors verify his claims that he had stopped making weapons of mass destruction.

You think the Berlin Wall kept West Germans from escaping.

You think President Bush and Dick Cheney lied when repeating findings of international intelligence operations but General Colin Powell was innocently fooled.

You think Al Qaeda should be allowed to recruit but the U.S. military should not.

You believe sexual accusations against Clarence Thomas but not those against Bill Clinton.

You support a woman's right to choose unless she chooses to have a baby or give it up for adoption.

You think criminals should get sure and swift punishment by being forced to see a counselor one hour a month (except for racists, who should get life).

You hate rich people but love the Kennedys, John Kerry, Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson and Warren Buffet.

You're happy to see thousands of jobs cut in military arms factories but celebrate the hundreds of "not so shovel ready" jobs created by Obama's deficit spending.

You won't risk your life to print a cartoon of Muhammad but deride what Mormons hold sacred.

You object to nativity scenes but support public funding for artists who produce "artwork" defaming Jesus Christ.

You think artwork of the Ten Commandments should be banned from courthouses (including the Supreme Court building), but public schools should be forced to teach your morals.

You think patriotism is a dirty word.

You think rioters in France are African-American.

You think America should defend itself from terrorists as long as it doesn't kill them without the approval of France and Russia.

You think bigotry is wrong unless the victim is white, Christian, Mormon or conservative.

You hate Juan Williams for being afraid when Muslims get on his plane.

You admire Obama for refusing to say that his Super PAC should return $1 million from Bill Maher for calling successful conservative women nasty names.

You admire Ed Schultz for saying he saw "abolutely nothing wrong" with Secret Service agents hiring prostitutes.

You think diversity is good in the mass news media as long as there are no conservative reporters.

You think the federal government should take money from American workers to support foreign governments.

You oppose people who eat the deer they kill but eat the cattle that others kill.

You support multiple use on public land as long as it does not include activities you don't like.

You think the government should pay for your state's symphony ochestra so that you can afford to listen to it once every five years.

You think Bush invaded Iraq for his buddies in the oil business.

You think Obama is willing to compromise when he accuses Republicans of refusing to compromise.

You think teaching morality in schools is evil but requiring students to read "Daddy has a husband" is good.

You think the U.S. should return the Southwest to Mexico, which stole it from the Indians.

You think Republicans, not Democrats, blocked civil rights legislation in the '50s and '60s.

You oppose involving parents in teenagers' decision to have abortions.

You think people should be allowed to commit suicide but not to eat fast food.

You can't see racism in rap songs about killing white folks.

You were opposed to Hollywood's blackballing of communists but love the mainstream media's blackballing of conservative journalists.

You think the TSA should randomly perform intensive and invasive searches of 75-year-old women in wheelchairs they're not giving extra scrutiny to young Arab "tourists" with one-way tickets.

You think Cheney approved the invasion of Iraq so that Halliburton could send its employees to help rebuild the country.

You think black Americans should receive reparations for slavery from people who hate slavery and who have no ancestors who owned slaves.

"Think women should not listen to their husbands but should listen to liberal feminists.

You think you should force school children to eat food that you consider healthful but parents should not give children apple juice or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

You think cow farts are melting the ice caps.

You blame society for the actions of criminals and want to punish society by letting criminals go free.

You think the best way to reduce the poverty gap is to put the middle class closer to poverty instead of helping the poor get jobs.

You think glaciers growing in the Himalayas are the result of global warming.

You think the culprit in the Clinton-Lewinsky affair was the woman who revealed the blue dress.

You believe Democrats who say Republicans have not proposed any solutions.

You think Obama shows true patriotism by refusing to place his hand over his heart when the flag is raised.

You think the right to free speech means the right to shout out people with whom you disagree.

You voted for Obama because he said he would close the Guantanamo terrorist prison but support him for keeping it open.

You think Occupy Wall Street has a legitimate complaint when the group refuses to take an official stand on anything.

You don't mind Obama's communist and socialist advisers.

You think the Rev. Jeremiah Wright started his anti-white, anti-American racist rants only after Obama attended his services for 20 years.

You think Obama finally chose a church 25 years ago because the Rev. Jeremiah Wright would lead him to Christ.

You think your first amendment rights are threatened if people criticize your ideas.

You say America should conquer its addiction to foreign oil but oppose nuclear power, hydroelectric dams, coal-fired electric generators, drilling for more oil in the U.S. and any source that can realistically power the country.

You think copies of Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate are real while copies of his Kenyan birth certificate are fake.

You don't believe Obama's African grandmother that she remembers when Barrack was born in Kenya.

You think Obama won't let people see his school transcripts because he's modest.

You want to hear other views until they are voiced.

You think bureaucrats know more about how to teach your children about sex than you do.

You support distributing free condoms to elementary and middle school students.

You think Cuba has better health care than the U.S.

You think Michael Moore produces documentaries instead of mockumentaries and fake-umentaries.

You named your baby Barack.

You believe George Bush and his goons planned and carried out the destruction of the Twin Towers so that he could blame it on Muslims and then invade Iraq to raise gas prices.

You think "all men are created equal" means they should get equal pay for unequal work.

You think Obama is the fourth best president ever.

You vote for members of Congress who voted for Obamacare before they read it.

You think communists should be able to say whatever they want in public universities but that conservative talk show hosts should be banned.

You honor and respect the sacred places and religious practices of voodoo worshippers, native Americans, Muslims, wiccans and New Age worshippers but despise and mock those of Protestants, Mormons and Catholics.

You want Christmas trees renamed holiday trees or banned from public view but tell those who object to pornography to look the other way.

You find the right to commit sodomy in the Constitution but can't find the right to bear arms or my right to practice religion without interference from you.

You think illegal aliens should have the right to vote without showing identification but support Al Gore's attempt to ignore absentee ballots from soldiers serving our country overseas.

You think the right to free speech applies only to people with your views but not to "insane conservatives," religious leaders or "crazy gun nuts."

You want Obama on Rushmore.

You would rather see deer starve rather than allow hunters to keep their numbers in balance with their food supply.

You think that in areas where whites are minorities, they deserve no minority protections.

You think Castro, Saddam Hussein, Hamas, Putin and Hugo Chaves were fairly elected but George Bush was not.

You think Obama merely misspoke when he said he had visited 57 states, while Dan Quayle was stupid for misspelling "potatoes," or was it "potatos"?

You admire President Obama for expanding the pool of prospective employees but thought 4% unemployment under George Bush was too high.

You automatically vote against candidates endorsed by the NRA or the Tea Party but support candidates who are favored by the Communist Party, socialists or Al Qaeda.

You've never met anybody who voted for John McCain.

You think the United States should give back lands it won in the war with Mexico, but Robert Mugabe should keep the ranches he stole from white farmers.

You support anybody who rebels against democracy but oppose any group that rebels against vicious dictators who repress their people and violate human rights.

You think the Obama administration is the most transparent in history.

You think our best and most moral presidents were FDR, JFK and Clinton, while you hate and distrust our presidents who have never been accused of cheating on their wives.

You think capitalism causes poverty.

You think communism is fair because people can't earn extra by doing extra work or better work.

You don't want Christians to impose their morality on you, but you think you should impose your morality on them.

You think there's no such thing as right and wrong except to believe there's such a thing as right and wrong.

You think a stay-at-home mom "never worked a day in her life."

Your donations to charity amount roughly to the same percentage as those given by Joe Biden or Al Gore, which is next to nothing.

You think it's wrong to award a Little League trophy to the first place team.

You like president who will negotiate with terrorists but refuse to compromise with Republicans.

You can't tell the difference between a balanced news report and a conservative opinion.

You think the only balanced news shows the liberal viewpoint and the left-wing radical viewpoint.

You think a conservative guest on a liberal talk show should never have the last word.

You dispute facts but never theories.

You call conservatives names because their viewpoint differs from your own.

You think public schools should help students get abortions without notifying parents.

You think home invaders should not be shot.

You support Obama's threats to rogue nations only if the consequence is more threats.

You don't like this page.

I will be adding to this list and adding links to illuminate its concepts. Feel free to borrow from it, email it to friends, twitter from it, etc. Please include a link to this page.Collum Reitter, Skinnyreporter

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Arriving at truth, through the Non-Scientific Method: Testing political theories by examining absurdity through the application of illogic, satire, sarcasm, spurious news reports and humor.

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Note: The names of sources often have hidden meanings. Click on links for facts relating to the stories. We strive to answer the question, What would politicians say if they didn't think normal citizens were listening? A skilled observer studies body language and becomes expert at what some call "reading between the lines." We attempt to fill in those lines.

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